Sally Tabbner’s Covid-19 Weekly Diary – 8

Dementia Support's Chief Executive Sally Tabbner

 

DS CEO Reflections during these times;

23-05-2020 – Week 9

 

Reflecting on the Week………

 

I didn’t write last week as to be honest things are beginning to somewhat settle and my world and day to day work is returning back largely to as it was – I say that but the strategy and vision are of course less clear in fact impossible to still set out and my risks and issues register certainly looks like a completely different document to that of 10 weeks ago of which almost pales into insignificance by comparison.

 

My sleep pattern is beginning to normalise a little too – I am still surviving on much less than before but also accept that I might just be growing out of my teenage years of needing so much!  All that said I am tired all the time.

 

Since last writing we have seen some relaxation to the lockdown which did turn out to be much as I had anticipated, sadly. Nonetheless it did, I feel, serve to impact the general mood of many that I have come into contact with positively. Just the freedom to go out where one wishes is better than nothing however, it does not solve the sadness of not being able to spend time with your family and loved ones. I think it is fair to say that most people are really desperate to reach the point where they can spend time with those that they miss and I am one of those people. It is making me feel a bit miserable if I am honest – living alone is tough and this feels like it’s just gone on too long.  Of course, we all understand we have to abide by the directives but it’s hard and I don’t know about others, but I am fed up and bored of looking at people through screens!

 

More than ever I am missing seeing our customers coming and going and I know that as the lockdown for those shielding continues on there is more and more anxiety and stress on our carers to find ways in which to distract, occupy and support their loved ones.  We are hearing many stories of people’s dementia declining quickly at the moment and that’s only to be expected I guess as peoples worlds have shrunk so much, meaning it is so difficult to cognitively stimulate and find ways to increase wellbeing.  That all said the team continue to think if new ways to virtually support our customers with various short films being produced about relaxation, breathing and physical exercise.  Dawn Gracie is also streaming from our Facebook Page each Friday and I have to say that we get some amazing feedback from that with local residential and nursing homes tuning in as well as customers who used to attend singing with us each week, the staff team and our great volunteers.

 

Writing this is odd this week as generally speaking, I feel I have little to say that I have not voiced before and I am not one for repetition.  My previous work has seen me as a qualified Project/Change Manager and the reason for mentioning that is that there are certain things I call on from that training these days that I probably haven’t needed to consciously pull into my practice in the couple of months ‘pre-Covid’.  The good old Kubler-Ross Change Curve model is something I’m currently finding helpful to both assess where I am at and where I think others are too – it’s one thing I need to remind myself about is that we are all in different places throughout this and as we all experience things at different paces.

The point however is that I am at the stage where I’m past “Acceptance” and definitely I am ready to be “Problem Solving” as are a lot of the team – but some are before the dotted line I can tell and that’s a difficult place to be.  Looking back to four weeks ago I am clear I was constantly moving back and forth between the first five stages so I am grateful to have made progress and now I want to be able to support others to make the shift forward too.  I just need the government guidance to enable us to detail out the problem solving aspect and then we can come back from this.  We can set out what it’s going to look like and give everyone something to “hang on to”.

The uncertainty about when we might return to some kind of normality is a real struggle for everyone and we all currently find ourselves in positions which are not as we would wish them to be, from either a homelife or work perspective.  As a team we keep talking to each other and I truly believe that there are good things to come for our charity as a  result of some of the learning that is happening during this time.  I believe that the breadth of our service offer utilising “Virtual” technology will certainly have a place going forwards which, until recently, I had always somewhat dismissed given our customer demographic.  The Virtual Wayfinder week last week really demonstrated that there are some fantastic outcomes to be achieved in bringing people together in this way and it was lovely to see some of the photographs of our customers and carers. 

We are also learning a lot from the befriending scheme and the level of emotional support provision on the telephone too which I think we can learn from and I know that Jacquie had her first family zoom meeting recently talking to a family spread out across the land! 

The new activity packs which arrived with us at two weeks ago are now all allocated and delivered bar 100 – that makes 1300 packs delivered to older vulnerable and isolated people in less than two weeks which is pretty spectacular – lots of people have been involved in delivering them and we are lucky to have the supporters we do.

I have had one committee and board zoom meeting after another in the last few weeks and the trustees really are committed to the work going on and how we are currently supporting our customers and also they are excited and keen for us to ensure our learning during this time is taken forward into our work of the future. 

My next plan is to take a little time out – just a couple of days – to re-energise and prepare for the next steps in this journey – despite feeling somewhat flat at the moment, I am very clear that there are good things to come and I want to be ready for it!

 

Sally Tabbner

A CEO who is looking forward

23/05/2020

Sally Tabbner’s Covid-19 Weekly Diary – 7

Dementia Support's Chief Executive Sally Tabbner

 

Reflecting on the Week………

It’s Saturday as I write this, so the 7th May has been and gone, which was my personal ‘predicted’ lockdown easing date – I tried not to get my hopes up but of course I did, as anyone does when they wish for good news and craves better times.  We are all waiting for the Boris speech tomorrow where we hope for positive news however my suspicions and mindset today tell me that any relaxation will likely only involve a small amount of extra time for exercising and some garden centres re-opening – I may be being cynical though!  The problem is I really want more, (although I do need to sort my garden in fairness and a trip to a garden centre would be welcome).  My biggest issue remains that I want to plan so badly for the charity and what I suspect will be that I still will have no clue as to what the future direction might look like. I also want the general feeling amongst people to start to lift as despite trying hard to personally be buoyant it is becoming increasingly challenging……spending the Sage House birthday alone yesterday was pretty miserable – some peaks but largely troughs of personal frustration and some resentment too – stupid and unhelpful feelings to have I know, but feelings nonetheless which cannot be helped. 

It’s been the week leading up to Sage House’s 2nd birthday on Friday 8th May and one can’t help but compare to our first birthday and the day we were opened by the Countess of Wessex. The first birthday was the first week of five celebration weeks in 2019 and huge amounts of planning and team effort, as we launched from birthday week to Dementia Action Week, to Wayfinder week into Carers Week and then Volunteers Week.  When we came back to work after the Christmas break (5 months ago now – how mad!!) the SMT all sat down and we planned and plotted out this year’s month of celebrations to kick off from our birthday.  Like everything else this has gone – evaporated and lost.  We’ve done our best to make the birthday special, with a video compiled, some entertainment etc on our social media but its nothing compared to the special street party (as it coincided with VE day) that we had planned for our customers in our car park – the cake – the town crier – the dancing – it was going to be something truly special and we were all excited as we had started the discussion about how it could work in practice.  [Photo is my favourite from the day we opened – my grandad wearing his Wales cap telling the Countess about how he had toothache]

Luke asked me to do my film for the birthday and when I sent it to him I was asked to do a re-take! Apparently, I was somewhat miserable (having reviewed it I really was!!!).  Reminiscing and reflection however do catch me off guard at the moment and it affects my mood to the point I cannot or certainly don’t hide it.  For the film we were asked to say what we love about Sage House.  What I love is the people.  Yes the building’s wonderful, it’s purpose built and we made it colourful and bright, we’ve made it clean and modern but we’ve made it friendly too – it’s actually however the people in Sage which bring it to life – the customers – the staff – the volunteers.  Each bring something special to what we have.  It’s a warm environment and people enjoy coming to us knowing they will be greeted with a smile – Sage in itself is a big warm smile essentially. 

I have an office where I can sit and watch the customers coming in and out all day long [I do work too just as a point of clarity!] but I see the carers who leave the building at drop off, absolutely exhausted and then return at the end of the day more relaxed having spent some valuable time doing what they need to – often nothing nice – as carers don’t have time to do nice things – but they do get to spend time catching up on housework or sleep or shopping, all necessary parts of daily life the rest of us often take for granted.  The customers leave with them having spent time having fun, being stimulated and doing things they enjoy – most of all happy.  This is the main source of my upset these days and what is making me miserable – this is what keeps catching me off guard, when I glance out of my window to nothing but an empty car park.   

The importance of which day it is now lessening. In fact, it is difficult to tell which day it is most of the time anyway – I’m not alone in that though I know. As such I have decided to put together my blog in a slightly different format now as reflections of the week rather than put them in as daily snippets from my journal – although that’s where the content comes from, as my brain also cannot compute or remember from one day to the next either what has happened.  

Work is starting to normalise with some days feeling and seeming similar to others that have occurred during the pandemic. Some of the tasks I am doing are also feeling like the “pre-covid” work of old normal, and somewhat administrative, which I have to say is taking some getting used to – I am thriving in a world where I am making a difference and being selfish I don’t want to lose that feeling. 

I managed a couple of nights of really good sleep this week and what an absolute difference that makes to concentration levels and feeling brighter.  In honesty I had been a little concerned about how my ability to concentrate and my forgetfulness/clumsiness was so bad recently – a good example is the number of emails in my drafts box which I have got halfway through writing, clearly been distracted and then not sent them, but thinking I had…..  The sleep however makes me instantly sharper and reassures that this will pass and I do not need to expend any energy worrying about my concentration.

On Monday I had to get up very early as the only slot I could get for shopping was at 7:00 o’clock this morning.  I had spent a long time deliberating as to whether it was ok to have my shopping delivered or not! I felt very guilty and agonised for a while but conceded that it is one of the worse slots ever and I cannot imagine any of my customers making use of it!  I also made sure it was a shop to last me for a month so I wont need another one.  In any case I regretted it as I had little sleep the night before only dropping off at 3.45am when I had to get up at 6.00am to be ready!

Monday, I also signed off a press release with regard to the birthday appeal which was, as is the norm, sent out to various places. Global Radio then came back to us very quickly asking for an interview with me on Tuesday – thought that this was really good until I was told they have 51,000 listeners!! The interview went well though although very quick to record and I can only hope that I got all of the points across about how challenging our birthday is this year by comparison, our new Day by Day Appeal and also the fact that it is Wayfinder Week next week.

All of the Activity and Wellbeing Packs are in the midst of going out this week – our customers have all had theirs delivered to them and it makes me feel better to know that they will have them for the bank holiday weekend.  Daft really as I appreciate for a lot of people the bank holiday makes little or no difference to everyday life currently, although I know that the fact that it is VE day will be something special and well regarded by many of the customers.  In any case I feel better to know that they will have something to somewhat keep them entertained and hopefully they arrive at the right time for them.

We have had some lovely feedback about the new packs – some even from the Cornwall area which appears to have been a popular place where they’ve heard of us! One lady emailed to say thank you and on behalf of her mum and dad.  Her dad has really enjoyed it and as his main hobby is colouring, enjoying the different prints and having the puzzle pages has kept him interested and whereas he’s never liked word searches surprisingly he’s having a go at them in the pack!  Apparently her mother has found the easy read coronavirus information has really helped her to explain to her husband what is going on and the pictures in the pack have been really helping her to communicate with her husband – apparently the pack, a very simple and small thing we have produced, is a lifeline.  We just need to get all 1400 out now – quite incredible to reflect how this has grown!

A weekly newsletter has gone out this week to all of our customers and supporters updating people of what we have been up to.

Thursday 7th was Dress up For Dementia Day this week – the theme was Superheroes.  Oakwood School got onboard including the teachers and it was great fun and raised some money too for the charity.  It was lovely to have photographs of the pupils coming in by email throughout the day and to see how seriously the children took it, making up superheroes of their own – Cricket Boy was a particular favourite!  Of course, it was a very hot day and Dianne came as Cat Woman in a PVC black jumpsuit – think its fair to say she was slightly warm for most of the day hahaha. 

We had a team meeting today where a lot of the team also got dressed up which was good fun – Anna even mentioned that it was nice to have something to think about and do for a while to distract her!  It really made me laugh though when our chairman dropped in dressed as Superman – what a sport and by coincidence I was Supergirl!

My daughter also brought little Phoebe over dressed as Batgirl which was so sweet as she stood in front of the Sage House sign and held out her £5 that she was donating for photographs.  Great to see them but sad too as Phoebe said she is coming to stay with me for two sleeps when the virus has gone as she misses me.  She knows not to hug or get close at the moment and I find this really hard to get my head around.  I cannot fathom if this is something that will have a long-term impact on our younger folk.  Will these learned behaviours already engrained into their everyday life at such a young age impact them and their ability to display affection in the future?  How can we influence this to make sure that this does not become a trait that gets passed onto future generations but remains merely a blip in our current world?

I did forget that I had an important meeting with the CCG on Thursday until I sat down at my desk in the morning – again a little symptomatic of the current position as I would normally know a week ahead and plan my diary out.  Meeting people for the first time dressed as Supergirl and hoping to come across as both professional and knowledgeable was a little challenging but I think I contributed!

An update on Mr P.  It’s fair to say there’s been a lot of activity going on this week, which culminated in us being very concerned for his safety on Friday particularly, and us needing to contact and raise an incident with the police.  His dementia makes him so vulnerable to those with ill intentions as he just wants to be friendly and talk to anyone who might listen or potentially help him.  Luckily on this occasion he spoke to someone with good intentions who offered him a lift somewhere and luckily he is safe – although it calls into question all sorts of queries around attitudes to social distancing on the other persons part at the moment in my opinion.  His call levels are quite extreme now and he can ring up to 20 times a day – none of us mind and the fact that he tells us he misses us and loves us makes any time we spend talking to him absolutely worth it.  The wayfinding team are going to try and set up a virtual meeting with him so he can see some of the team as we know that will make his day as he spends a lot of time looking at our photos on various leaflets and reports he has at home from the charity.

Good news to report in that the bank account for the ex. Offender is now set up thanks to the wayfinding team – apparently this is the first bank account that he has ever had and means now that he can get the benefits to which he is entitled and to which he has never received previously. 

The shopping calls have now properly taken off and we have a good number of customers.  Keeping on top of this is proving very time consuming but Isla is managing it well and Sylvie has now managed to recruit some extra volunteers who are happy to help which will be useful as the geographic area we cover really is quite extensive. 

So, the Friday is bank holiday, for VE day, and also our birthday which I mentioned earlier.  I’m sorry but I can’t help but feel cheated by Covid-19 – it has stolen our anniversary and plans which is unforgiveable.  However, what I resolve is this.  We will celebrate when this is over with our customers.  We will also celebrate every birthday to come and we will look back at this time and remember the part we played in keeping our customers safe in the best way that we could.

As I look back over this particular blog I accept it is all a pretty miserable read and I am sorry for that – there have been some laughs and high points this week, as well as numerous examples of where we have made such a difference to people.  For instance when I collected a prescription and delivered it – it took 5 minutes as all very local, but I then spent half an hour chatting to the lovely elderly recipient who was clearly quite lonely (whilst social distancing of course) – that was a lovely time where I felt good.  We have delivered lots of shopping to some hugely grateful and desperate individuals too and spoken to so many on the telephone offering support during this time, so I know we are doing good work – but I want more now – I am ready to move on from this please…… 

Until next week…….when the theme for Dress up for Dementia on the 15th is Disney! And hopefully we know a little more……….

 

Sally Tabbner

A resolute CEO today

09/05/2020

Sally Tabbner’s Covid-19 Weekly Diary – 6

Dementia Support's Chief Executive Sally Tabbner

 

Reflecting on the Week………

 

How is it May already? What when we look back can we ever take from April 2020 that’s positive or worthy of remembering?

I’ve had a few conversations with people this week along these lines and actually my personal response is this; Firstly, I will remember what an amazing group of people I was working with in April 2020.  They were agile, giving and above all the charity’s superheroes in thinking creatively to benefit our customers, putting in place new services very quickly, all in an effort to do as much as they could to support vulnerable people in our community.  I will remember our volunteers and trustees who pulled together and continued their support to the charity as well as  one another.  I will remember our customers and carers and admire how they dealt with one of the most heinous times in our lives, about how they adapted and them being some of the most remarkable, stoic and brave people who coped with so very much to keep their loved ones safe. 

I will also remember the personal feeling of loneliness and the sadness that it brought to me and also the lack of touch and closeness to others, but I will turn this into my ongoing driver to tackle the same issue for our customers – it’s always been a fundamental part of what we do at the charity anyway and has always been my passion spanning my career pretty much but now I have had a “taste” of it I will not rest. 

So, here is my week – remember you get the bad as well as the good from my journal…… 

 

Saturday 25th April

Had the phones – spoke to a few very nice people including the lovely Mr. P of course.  He’s worried today as he’s gone for a walk into the town centre and is concerned that everything is closed and that there are no people.  He’s also concerned that the few people he has seen have things covering their faces which I can only assume are masks.  This is now becoming more normal practice for some following a few MP’s stating that they might implement them as part of an exit strategy.  I don’t know how to explain this to Mr. P if I am honest – he already believes that the virus is actually just people going around killing each other – the masks brings another level of complexity for him.  I use distraction, shifting the conversation to things we know he likes to chat about.  I want him to go home and to be safe but I don’t want to scare him either so I remind him that one of his ladies (carers) is coming soon which makes him set off – he rings me a couple more times on the way and we talk about the birds and the weather.  

 

Also had quite a lot of back and forth with some of the team and a trustee regarding our new D4D (Dress 4 Dementia) fundraisers that are taking place each Friday and how in the week of our birthday we might be able to engage some of the schools to get involved. It’s 1960’s theme this coming week and then we’ve decided to do superheroes in the week following which we hope will engage the children (and adults of course).  Note to self; choose future themes around clothes in actual wardrobe….Covid-19 is costing me a fortune in clothes I will unlikely wear again.

 

Along with the having the phones today and as is the new norm, I spent most of the day writing my blog!  I’d been pondering within it how my grandparents would have reacted in these days so it prompted me to get some of my old photos out (actual real photos not on the phone!) – there really is nothing quite like it for remembering happier and better times and the tangibility of holding a photograph just adds to the contentment they bring.  As I write my journal I reflect that I feel content and calm – the journal and blog helps me to decant and download any angst I am carrying and then the photos have sealed that with happy memories.

 

In all a lovely day and managed to grab an hour chilling in the garden too.  I feel good.

 

Sunday 25th April

My work day only consisted of continuing yesterdays chat over Whatsapp about D4D and our birthday and what that might look like from a social media and communications perspective.  We are very lucky as we have managed to snag some volunteers who are going to help us with all of this.

With the government paying for companies to furlough staff, Covid-19 is allowing people with amazing skill sets to be available, if they choose, to volunteer.  It’s up to the individuals to decide who they offer their skills to, and some may choose to stay at home and redecorate, clear the garage and do all the things they have never had time to do before but some are going out and saying “what can I do”.    Some are volunteering to do the day to day stuff that needs doing… the shopping for vulnerable, the “shielded” who cannot go out themselves and then, some are choosing to offer their talents to charities – charities who would never have the capacity or funds to pay their market rate. 

With the cancellation of group gatherings and a lack of knowledge about what the future looks like I do feel sad in the knowledge that many events at Goodwood, which personally I love going to over the next few weeks and likely months will, for sure, be cancelled.  HOWEVER on the upside, some of the fantastic marketing and digital experts from Goodwood have offered to help us look at our website and our marketing strategies including the exit plan marketing wise to all of this.  Of course, I already have a great in house staff on board for this, but to have additional expertise and high level talent such as this for free is such a gift right now and a huge silver lining to what is an incredibly difficult time.  This re-distribution of talent is an unexpected and welcome ray of sunshine in what is feeling more challenging day by day. This gives me hope.  I am so grateful to a couple of our trustees who have opened this doorway to us and have put the suggestion to some of their staff that we could benefit from their expertise.

Various fundraisers for the 26 26 campaign went on today which were all highlighted on our facebook page – they ranged from a Name that Tune quiz (26 songs) performed by a couple of our young volunteers at Sage House, Tracey’s Dad doing 26 laps of his block where he lives, a dog doing something with 26 balls, people running for 26 minutes, a 9 year old putting together a 26 second Stop animation and our Suzanne (Move to Music) doing 26 dance moves with 26 people – we think from that our community supporters have raised about £1,500 which is amazing!

Apart from the Whatsapp exchanges, I had a brilliantly funny group facetime with my sis and daughter (sorry but those filters you can put on just had us crying with laughter – which I really needed).  In bed at 11pm!

 

Monday 26th & Tuesday 27th April    

Awake at 3am on the Monday!  Knew the early night would catch me out.  The reason the days are together is quite honestly because they merged – I’m finding that a lot these days especially so at the beginning of the week when it is challenging to motivate yourself and not let that be felt or seen by others.  I think I am also getting worse with regard to hiding it in these last two days anyway.  I think that others are struggling as well and I notice hints of what I feel is despondency and negativity in some calls and emails, perhaps however I am being paranoid or just reflecting how I am feeling into my perception of others. 

I feel irritable in truth and the lack of control over anything is a real challenge to me.  I want to plan and other people want and need me to plan too.  They are looking to me and saying what does this all look like in a month, 3 months, 6 months, a year and then further still and I can’t answer.  I feel under pressure, but I reason that how can I plan what any of our face to face services might look like?  I don’t know Government plans regarding the lockdown period and they have not even sniffed at releasing an exit strategy yet – I need answers. I need to know when my customers are going to be locked down until, what the rules around social distancing will look like, the impact face masks are having in general with the spread of the virus, will testing be available to us? will groups/networks be limited to a specific number? Without any of this I cannot plan – I don’t know when anything will happen or what will happen.  I need to get a sense of when this will pass.  

First meeting was with the wider management team where we talked accounts, money, the new fundraising appeal we are launching this week, plus where everyone is at currently – was pleased that Reece is keeping himself together as his housemate permed his hair last night – it seems the Thomson Twins live on (young people might need to google that reference).

We had our first of the week coffee and catch up with the team today too.   I think only 12 people dialled in and it felt like everyone was a bit flat.  The problem is that when you ask so what have you been up to of course it is so limited these days.  I did notice this happened last week in the Tuesday meeting – need to keep a watching brief – maybe try a new tact of making it more fun and interactive…..

I was invited to join a taster session Tuesday afternoon for “ONLE Boardroom’s Charity Leaders Board” and I found it really helpful.  I love my job – I do and I’ve always said it.  I am lucky enough that I work with a customer group that I’ve always had an absolute affection for and which drives my passion to get out of bed in the morning.  My skillset and abilities are a really good match for the work I do – there’s not a bit that I dislike (well maybe VAT…however you get the picture!).  The only issue with the role is that it can be quite lonely – I think most CEO’s will tell you the same. I have a great SMT and Board of Trustees with whom I share, of course, and I am very transparent generally speaking.  There are however always things, normal concerns, that I am unable or do not wish to divulge and the ONLE Boardroom provided that opportunity to offload.  We shared challenges and better still we got thoughts, challenges and downloads from others.  Clearly I cannot divulge the content of the discussion (first rule of the meeting!) but suffice to say that I feel better. I feel better for sharing, for airing my challenges and hearing that firstly these are replicated across the voluntary sector right now and then to hear how others are approaching those things was great.  It was a breath of fresh air and the feeling of also being able to contribute to others challenges from my own experience, that reciprocity, brought significant added value.

The shopping and prescription service has really taken off – it is quite a time-consuming service to offer but Isla is managing it brilliantly.  People can be quite particular about what they would like, even in these circumstances! I am always a fan of “not asking others to do things I haven’t” so I went and did a shop on Tuesday afternoon.  Firstly I think I probably have got caught speeding on my way to the shop – I’m such an idiot. The police certainly had a camera – I have no excuse if I was, just in my own world listening to my loud music. 

Doing the shopping itself was an interesting experience – I found myself staring at a packet of 4 leeks with a list that specifically asked for 2 small ones as apparently, she’s a little lady who lives alone.  The decisions I make on a day to day basis yet I struggled with this, along with what size block cheese to buy, was the cheese to go with leeks as I’d bought double the leeks than those requested – also no blueberries! Seriously I was in a real dither! I think it’s the responsibility for spending others money and the innate feeling of wanting to please and make someone happy at this time.  Dropped the shopping up to my chair of trustees who then delivered on up to Petworth….I feel like I’ve actively contributed today – I need to keep doing things like this as it helps.  Makes me hold true to the fact that this will pass and I have helped.

Nat’s been contacting all of the local schools to try and get them involved on 7th May in Superhero D4D.  I’ve emailed the information to Oakwood as we are their charity of the year and one of our trustees has managed to convince them to get involved – Luke has completed the artwork for it. 

Home late on Tuesday and a proper mix bag of emotions today – highs and lows….I got flowers today – they made me very happy.

 

Wednesday 29th April

I decided to work from home today – I am really wanting some head space to see if I can plan anything – it’s an anxiety I am not able to shake at the moment which is being perpetuated by lots of questions I am unable to answer from different directions.

Of course, as murphy’s law dictates, and as you might expect as we aren’t in the office today, we get an urgent call.  That’s why we are normally there as its easier to coordinate things especially communications.  There is a need for cleaning products, bedding, duvets, washing products, towels and flannels and a Hoover for a lady who’s being discharged home from a residential placement and she desperately needs those items to do so, as she has difficulties with continence.  We manage to get everything sorted and luckily it will be together before she returns home in readiness.  Hard to believe that without such small things she would have to remain in residential care for longer.

Charlotte, from Wave105 radio got in contact – she is great fun to talk to.  I recorded an interview with her which will go out on Friday morning as our new Day By Day Appeal launches and I talk about the difficulties people have in the current times which I can hear in her voice she is quite shocked by.  That’s the point really is that its just not situations that you would think about unless you are in it.

We’re getting a lot of contact via social media now from individuals who we are then linking into our wayfinding service.  This means we are reaching further afield than just the Chichester area, but these are people who need help at the moment, and we are in a position to provide just that, so the team of course do not turn anyone away.  One such contact today was from someone whose mum has Alzheimer’s and is obviously at home in isolation with their father, whilst their daughter lives the other side of the country.  The daughter was desperate for ideas about how to keep mum occupied and was distraught as she can only see her through FaceTime and she knows that her dad’s finding it really hard to cope.  She is watching her dad literally fall apart online, getting further and further into depression and just doesn’t know what to do.  The team pick her up immediately and get her onto a path of releasing the burden.

I mentioned in my blog two weeks ago about the advanced directive that one of our customers had been sent by their GP and the fact that we have raised the issues with the local CCG.  They have issued their response to us in which they say that “it’s very important that individuals are able to have conversations about their wishes and preferences for their future and treatment”.  This does feel a little like a stock response….It states that this is a nationally recommended process which involves a person having a discussion with their doctor and family around what care they want – I completely understand that so far and agree advanced planning is very important.  The statement goes on to say it’s particularly important that the conversations continue during the Covid-19 emergency particularly with those people who are at greater risk of developing severe illness from the virus…..okay I kind of get that – rubbish bad timing though and gives a scary message to people but I appreciate these are scary times.  Then it goes into the crux of the matter in my opinion…. it says these discussions should be done in a sensitive and compassionate way that is tailored to the individual person taking into account their personal circumstances and their medical history.  There you have it – the fact that the GP sent a letter to someone in lockdown who has dementia is neither sensitive nor compassionate.  I am angry all over again, in fact the anger hasn’t dissipated from when the letter dropped onto my desk.

The letter goes on to say, normally they would have expected these discussions to be held face to face but in the current situation it is deemed in the interest of protecting both the individual and the medical staff involved that these can be held by video link or telephone.  It says; “We have made it clear to GPs across Sussex the importance of ensuring these discussions are carried out in the correct way and in line with the Mental Capacity Act 2005”. 

We chat as a team about the response and the current process.  Thinking back pre-covid [nb. seems everything now will be determined in this way i.e. pre and post covid] it seems we have generally seen more of a push for DNAR’s since the new year and the fact is that when it comes to most older people, as a team we believe that a GP is not the right person to have the conversation as we consider that it makes for an uncomfortable and untenable position for the patient.  People in the older generation were largely brought up to respect the word of the doctor and accordingly they will often follow to the letter what they are advised by their GP.  This proposal being delivered by the GP just doesn’t work on any level.  We resolve together that we believe we can play a part in these discussions and I have a meeting tomorrow with Carers Support West Sussex as well as Public Health to discuss the “dying well” agenda where I will discuss how this might work as part of the pathway.

At least our Wayfinders have done fantastic job in supporting these customers and had everything relating to the issue removed entirely from the customers patient record so they feel reassured that nothing has been agreed to.

We’re starting to get referrals now from Adult Services for befriending.  One case of a gentlemen – Mr A – who’s particularly lonely after his wife has gone into residential care.  He keeps calling emergency services which of course is far from ideal at anytime, but especially so now but it’s just because he wants someone to talk to – he fully admits he’s very low and misses people.  Statutory teams were starting to have conversations about him going into residential care so he would not have access to a telephone and to stop the calls…..of course that’s ridiculous but sadly true.  We set him up with a male volunteer who will ring him daily first to help bring some structure to his day and fill his time and to just sit and chat to put the world to rights.

Shopping requests are coming thick and fast now – I am a little worried as I am hearing that people are leaving it to the last minute – one caller today said he wouldn’t be able to eat tomorrow as he will have run out of food – luckily one of our trustees is on hand to get that sorted along with shopping for three other people bless her – I’m not sure it’s what she signed up to when taking on the role.

One of the team has been to see Mr P – socially distanced of course, to check on him as she was very worried following a conversation she had with him last night.  He was in a pickle and saying he had a problem with his face and that it was sore.  She went over to just check in and apparently he looks really well! He’s got a brilliant sun tan apparently and was so pleased to see her..

We’ve just heard that one of our lovely day breaks customers passed away – not from Covid thankfully and her family were with her.  Such a lovely lady who had been with Sage House for a long time – bother her and her husband regular faces for us all and she will be missed.  RIP D x

I managed to catch up with each of SMT individually today which made me happy – I’m used to them popping in and out of my office during the day which I like and I miss a lot.

It gets to 6pm and I’ve not done anything that I set out to do. It’s just been too busy, so I end up quite upset and emotional.  I need some plans, some direction – I want to run scenarios – I feel I have no control over the future and all I can talk about is what we are doing now but others expect me to have answers about the future.  I think I’m communicating what we’re doing to those who need to know about it, but I am so caught up within it maybe I am not, and they don’t have a sense of the breadth of our current situation.  I’m really worried about services committee on Friday.  Each of the committees focus on where we are heading and look to me to steer that – I don’t feel able to talk about scenarios that may or may not come to fruition – it is fruitless and time and brain consuming which I have little space for.  There are so many variables to how this might play out that I can’t possibly capture them all but they run continuously through my mind.  This is not a nice feeling – I do strategy and strategic planning, it’s my forte but I’m at a loss.  I chat with some trustees and get some real reassurance – It doesn’t alter the fact that I feel like I am letting the charity down as I can’t do my job, can’t do what they pay me to do.

 

Thursday 30th April

The day starts well when I talk to Jacquie about Simon who has been in Pinewood Nursing Home since the beginning of lockdown.  His wife Susan has been writing letters to Simon 3-4 times a week as of course she is not allowed to visit. This is hard as Simon is there because day breaks had to close.  Susan knows however that the carers read her letters to Simon every single day.  There has been one case of Covid 19 in the care home, which of course was extremely scary and it means all the residents are confined to their own rooms.  Yesterday one of the carers noticed that Simon’s shirt looked really bulky and she asked Simon if he was comfortable and would he mind if she checked him over.  He showed her – it was all of Susan’s letters tucked in under his shirt. The carers rang Susan to say just to let you know Simon is keeping your letters close to his heart – I welled up when I heard this. Our wayfinding team call Susan regularly and she is so grateful as our calls apparently often come when she’s had her darkest moments – she wants to know if we are trained in telepathy! 😊

The day gets better still when we have a visitor to Sage House – I cuddled a mini sausage dog puppy for an hour. He was brought into the office while his mum had a distanced meeting with Luke.  He was only 8 weeks old and it’s the best I’ve felt for ages – they really are therapy.  I cried a little as it’s the closest I have been to something breathing for the last six weeks and actually to feel the warmth was really quite extraordinary.  Also, it was a mini sausage dog and my family will tell you that I have wanted one for so long, but cannot sadly give it the time it would need – when I stop working, definitely though.

I had a couple of meetings today, the first one was with another organisation who works with carers locally and with colleagues and partners from the statutory sector in the Public Health Department and Adult Services commissioning.  It was an interesting meeting where we talked around the issue relating to the DNAR and advanced directives as well as how we support carers who have suffered a bereavement during Covid-19, particularly those that might have been in residential homes when they passed and how we can support the individuals through that.  There is a lot of interest around supporting the DNAR planning process particularly and statutory partners are going away to discuss how we can support and to hopefully engage those from the CCG who can help roll this out.  At least it feels we might be able to turn what was one of the lowest points during the last few weeks into some positive action for the future….this feels better….planning, positivity, helping and contributing….its what I need.

I went on to have a great meeting with an ex colleague and he is CEO for an organisation in the South West area, working with people with physical disabilities in a day care environment too. He’s clearly having similar issues to us having closed all his face to face services.  It was actually a really helpful discussion personally because I managed to talk through some of my concerns and worries around the “inability to plan subject”. To share with someone in the same position is really important as it reinforces. 

Our appeal launches tomorrow which I am excited about as I have had sight now of the initial content which will go out to our supporters – amazing job fundraising team!  It’s the powerful story of one of our lovely day breaks customers, Sheila and her wonderful carer husband Brian and how they have been impacted by not being able to attend Sage House.  There’s one part in Brian’s words that really stick with me and makes my heart go out to them;

Sheila has real highs and lows.  Sometimes we can dance and sing together, other times she forgets how to eat and drink, and shouts out in frustration.  We both miss Sage House.  I find it difficult to engage Sheila in any activities.  Meanwhile I am very lonely

It just says it all.

We are just trying to plan some communications relating to our birthday which is on the 8th May – of course this is the day after I have my hopes up that lockdown will be relaxed somewhat, despite telling myself I shouldn’t but the statement from Government this evening suggests that there is some light at the end of the tunnel potentially.  One can only hope that this doesn’t mean people will start being daft and no longer adhering to the lockdown and distancing requirements.  We have had such low numbers in our area and can only hope that its not going to be ruined by a second wave as people start to take risks and ignore Public Health messages….it is really starting to feel however like this will pass   

 

Friday 1st May

Today’s Dress up for Dementia theme is the 1960’s and my blond Marilyn wig hasn’t arrived so I am trying to rock a brunette version rather unsuccessfully. As I enter into zoom meetings throughout the day though most people have got dressed up and that starts with the Services Committee at the start of the day – I love that my trustees make the effort to engage in these silly things – I secretly believe they enjoy it – but it does mean that the meeting is more relaxed than it might have otherwise been as we all laugh at the hippy in Martin that we all knew was there all the time and dying to be released.

I didn’t need to worry about the Services Committee meeting – my concerns around being unable to plan were completely understood although I believe somewhat helped by Boris Johnston’s announcement last night promising more news about an exit strategy on the 7th May.  I suspect this has given some people a timeline to have in their mind but I still need to manage expectations as one thing I am sure about is we are not going to have a full strategy from government next week, but some guidelines will be very well received.  We vow to regroup 12th May to discuss the output from the 7th in the hope we might be able to start putting some meat on the bones around future direction.  In the meanwhile we bring everyone up to speed with what is happening.  The caseloads the team are carrying, especially given the complexity of these is immense with regular wayfinding and activities customers at 93 customers (15 new since lockdown) and we are also supporting 25 daybreaks customers and their carers.  My team are amazing.

The second version of our Activity and Wellbeing Pack arrived today so that sorts next weeks work pretty much for a lot of people in getting them distributing and delivering. Dianne has been busy getting the domiciliary care agencies all onboard and they really are keen to have something they can give out to their customers to relieve the boredom and provide a little respite for the lonely reality that some are confined to at the moment.

I have a few other meetings including our SMT and then we have a Coffee and Catch up with the wider team – again all dressed up! We all caught up with each other and then we virtually, via zoom and courtesy of her daughter Amy (our new activities coordinator when we can back to normal) joined the amazing Dawn Gracie who is “Facebook living” from our Facebook page every week to entertain our customers and had picked the 1960’s theme in last weeks show.  What’s great is knowing that our customers are joining in and watching at home – we even have nursing homes joining us now from their lounges each week too – so lovely!

Luke was pulled over by the police on his way home.  They were stopping people as they had noticed increased activity on the roads.  He showed his letter to the police, but I think the 1960’s attire he was wearing didn’t help his situation any. 

I feel there is definitely a return to Friday feeling starting to re-emerge in the last two weeks.  I wonder perhaps if people are learning to work from home and to delineate between the, this is me at work during this time of the day and then switching it off and away come the end of their “shift”? Thus, making a weekend and downtime more of a thing than the three weeks previous.

My reflections from today are that there are a couple of my team members who I think look more relaxed and rested at the moment, in fact more than I’ve seen them in a long time and I wonder what I can possibly do to ensure that continues into the future – there must be some lessons in all of this.  Others however are certainly more frazzled, troubled or low – I count myself to an extent in that this week and feel no shame by admitting it.  I could of course have it wrong though as I feel completely removed from my teams worlds by not seeing them directly and I crave it.  We currently share no reality with each other and for me it something that I find troublesome.  I fear it lies as a key challenge as we look forward.  Will everything just snap back and be as natural as it was before?  I hope so and I trust my team and the culture and behaviours we have as an organisation to see us through.  Our charity is built on the solid foundation of “team” and “people” – it’s about what we do and how we treat and make others feel.  Our customers drive our ambition to do more for other people living with dementia and we all just need to hang onto that so we can get back to it when this is over for this will pass.

We will be stronger, closer even perhaps because of the separation.  We will be more resilient and appreciate that we are stronger together and that we are brave and tough.  We will recognise that despite everything going on, we sorted ‘stuff’ quickly. We were agile, responsive, brave and ready.  We took Covid on the chin and we did everything in our power to support our lovely customers, carers, volunteers and colleagues through this. We will know at the end of this that we did our bit and played our parts for the charity, whatever they were.    

Until next week…….

 

Sally Tabbner

A tenacious CEO today

02/05/2020

Sally Tabbner’s Covid-19 Weekly Diary – 5

Dementia Support's Chief Executive Sally Tabbner

 

Reflecting on the Week………

I’m in a good mood in fact I’m like a proud parent to a relatively new born this morning, wandering around my house with a grin because…..I slept all of the way through the night!! Go me!! It was only for five hours but it was unbroken sleep!

It’s Saturday morning as I go through my journal to pull this together and it’s a little grey outside, but also very early still, so I am hopeful we will be graced with Phoebe Brightside (as my lovely little nanny used to call the sun – she was only 4ft 10’ hence me and my sister always calling her little nanny 😊).  They both had dementia – my nan the Lewy Body form following her onset of Parkinson’s and my grandfather had Alzheimer’s and Vascular dementia, hence my affection and love for what I do.

I do wonder what little nanny and my much adored grandad would have made of today’s world – grandad would definitely have had lots to say about the madness (his motto: “say it as it is – please or offend”).  One thing I am sure of is that there is no way on earth grandad would however have isolated, stayed in or social distanced either before his dementia or following.  Grandad was a lorry driver and such a sociable man  – my little nanny ways always moaning that it took him 3 hours to mow the smallest patch of grass in front of their flat because he was constantly down tools-ing to stop to talk to people as they walked past. 

I am reminded a lot of my grandad by Mr. P who continues to go out all of the time.  We’ve been working with his social worker to put in place strategies to minimise the risks he is exposed to as he really likes to go for long trips out and on the bus.  We are hoping that an extra care call that has been put in for him of a lunchtime might curb his going out a little as he likes to be there when “his ladies” pop in to see him.  We have therefore taken to ringing him to remind him that they are coming so that he at least stays local.

This last week started quite low – I could feel somewhat despondency in the zoom team coffee catch up we had on Tuesday – it’s really very hard at the moment to motivate yourself to start a week when you have no way of knowing what it will entail, how it will end but knowing that there is so much outside of your sphere of control.  I however continue to remind myself that staying positive doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be happy all of the time – it means when you are feeling low you know that this will pass and better days are on the other side.

So here’s my week – becoming more mundane I fear as time goes on…… 

 

Saturday 18th April

Spent a lot of the day writing my blog and manning the phones – just a few calls from the ever so lovely Mr. P but he’s not in a great place today.  He’s very anxious and he can’t comprehend what a virus is – he tells me he knows he shouldn’t go out and see people and he’s absolutely convinced that it is the people that are bad and are ‘after him’ not that there is a virus.  He says he mustn’t answer the door as they will come and try to get him.  I can’t move him away from the discussion and I try distracting with conversation around his dinner and his old job but his brain and anxiety levels draw him back around to people being dangerous.  I feel useless – he’s a tactile individual (like me) and he loves people normally so I worry about how his brain will process these new thoughts and how that might impact him and his view of mankind in the longer term…..please do not let it go down the road of aggression and paranoia but I fear it easily could.

Nothing else particularly remarkable today – a couple of glasses of Merlot to finish the day – I have tomorrow off afterall.

 

Sunday 19th April

Took the day off – did not send one email.  Did however spend my day doing chores – my house is dusty and my garden overgrown unlike everyone else I talk to who says that their’s is looking better than ever as a result of more time at home!  To a degree I am jealous but then reason that I get far more out of being at work and there is plenty of time when this is all over for me to iron my clothes and clean my windows!

Managed to spend a little time sat in the conservatory listening to Etta James.  I think that the birds are definitely noisier these days and are coming closer to the glass than ever before? Perhaps it is that I am just noticing them more as I look for some good around me? Whatever it is I am committing to ensuring this becomes a regular thing – spotting the good, appreciating it and sharing it.  

 

Monday 20th April

I woke up really early again this morning however I did manage a relatively decent night’s sleep (although did some online shopping at 4:00 AM!)

It was just Dianne and myself in the office today – I am missing people especially after the weekends of being on my own – I talk to people throughout, of course, but there is something about the physical presence of others that is very tangible these days.  I am not sure that I had ever even thought about it in the past but it’s now one of the things I consider a lot and especially so for my team who live alone and of course my customers.  It’s very clear now from our telephone call logs that the amount of time we are spending talking to people is increasing significantly as the weeks go on.  What we are doing doesn’t feel enough, but I am at a loss to know what more we can currently do.

I had to furlough four further members of the team today which again doesn’t feel nice and not phone calls I enjoyed making (although it was lovely to have one to one catch ups with them).  There are a procession of difficult decisions to take these days and a lot of rapid reasoning required which suits my mindset normally speaking, although it requires a level of concentration that can be difficult to maintain in these times with the pace of change.  I just need to keep thinking about what is best for the charity including what is business and crucially PEOPLE/CUSTOMER critical at this time vs. the long term financial health of the charity. 

The balance of our activity packs arrived today – however we’ve had so many requests over the weekend that it means that they are all now spoken for. This means that any further requests will need to wait until we produce activity pack two which we are just having discussions over the content about now.

I prepared the majority of the board papers for our Board of Trustees meeting on Friday this coming week – they are late as should have been with the board for a full week before, but I reason that the majority are self-isolating so will hopefully have a little more opportunity to prep, than their normal hectic schedules allow.  Preparing for the board is not one of my favourite things to do at any time – it’s paperwork heavy and time consuming – although don’t get me wrong governance is hugely important for any charity!!  Today however it’s really not “my thing”, in fact it’s made me miserable and grumpy.  I have no energy for pulling together the documents.  Compared to the operational side of what we are doing it seems inane and unimportant and it doesn’t feel like it’s a good use of my time or energy at this moment.

I delivered an activity pack on the way home which was lovely and I felt more joy at doing that and knowing that I was delivering to one of our daybreak’s customers something that would help them in their family over the next few weeks.  It took me 2 minutes and gave me the joy and feeling of worth that I needed.

My blog was published online earlier today and someone has reached out to me.  They state that they are grateful at this time to be an orphan because they are not having to watch any of their precious vulnerable family go through this.  I can only agree with the sentiment but what a very sad state of affairs that we are grateful for our loss.  Thought provoking, sad and just not normal……..hold onto the thought Sally that this will pass.

 

Tuesday 21st April

Loads and loads of meetings today – apart from the fact that I haven’t got out of my chair for most of it or seen anyone face to face and some of the content itself, then you wouldn’t necessarily know it was any different a day to the norm of 6 weeks ago…..was it really only 6 weeks ago things were normal? Certainly I was issuing staff guidance on the 10th March saying people should be extra vigilant regarding handwashing but I was still reinforcing our business was as usual…..6 weeks – this is madness

It started with our SMT meeting where we talked about launching our COVID fundraising appeal next week – basically our current best guess [today] is that the charity will suffer a potential loss of income of £140,000 – the issue we have is that this changes on an almost minute by minute basis.  Outside of fundraising our largest income stream is from our Day Breaks services but I can’t begin to fathom what that might look like in the future.  It will be driven by government guidance around social distancing and care directives.  As for when?? again lockdown for our customers will dictate.  I’m a planner – and this frustrating me and then the guilt……really it’s not that frustrating Sally is it?  Big deal, you can’t work out some numbers……

  Next I went straight into an HR committee meeting where a lot of people joined us from the Board of Trustees to discuss where we are up to in terms of staffing at the moment.  This was followed by one of my favourite times of the week – our whole team coffee break meeting!  We hold them twice a week at the moment to catch up with each other and to share how we are feeling and what we are up to. 

It was lovely to see all the gang again! There were 22 of us who just all chatted away.  What was nice is that we all prepared an inspirational quote so I’ve penned  them down so that it captures the mindset of where we’re at and how they’re feeling and thinking.

 

 

 

Motivational Team Quotes;

  • Be grateful for everything and everyone
  • What if I fall? But my darling what if you fly
  • You can’t do epic **** with basic people
  • One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of the things you cannot change so think happy and be happy…..it’s good to talk!
  • Live everyday like it’s your last and every night like it’s your first together
  • Happiness is working with great people (but then she added I am happy and you are great thank you)
  • Respirer l’instant (broadly translated as breathe in the moment)
  • Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts
  • Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but, today is a gift that is why it’s called the present

It is moments like this that you appreciate what you have and those that you surround yourself with.  How lucky am I to have such a resilient, brave and forward looking bunch hey?

This afternoon I was into a meeting with Linda our finance manager where we talked about closing the end of year accounts, coding and adjustments – essentially all of the normal stuff that you’d actually expect to be doing at this time of the year…all so very odd a feeling at this moment though.

Finally, in the afternoon we took a call from a social work team and who were desperately in need of a single mattress and some sheets and duvets etc. It’s for someone who is incontinent and being discharged from hospital and they only have one set of bedding and their mattress is badly soiled.  Talk about fate! Dianne has a new bed being delivered this very evening for her son so will have a single mattress available from tomorrow! We also put out a shout on social media for bedding and I swear that literally within 5 minutes somebody have offered us what we were looking for and they were dropped to us within 10 minutes – I find the kindness and peoples propensity to give and help and to look after one another right now very humbling. 

One of our trustees, Therese came into the office and packed up all of the 100 packs that arrived yesterday – they are all pretty much committed now but I am excited that in my email inbox I have received the first draft of the 2nd activity book!  So much genuinely lovely feedback from the books – something so small has made such a difference to people. 

 

Wednesday 22nd April

Slept okay ish.  Another busy day! But again it feels a bit more normal apart from one thing…..we SAW PEOPLE!! 

Tracey, our Catering Manager popped in this morning – she has been furloughed and wanted a bit more information.  We had a good chat and it is really lovely to see her in person and to have different faces back in the office.  In the office we were talking about the last week of day breaks before we closed and how special it had been as Tracey had cooked for everyone each day and we had all sat with the customers and eaten together – really desperately we all want those times again, we ache for them.  In hindsight it is like we knew…..we took the opportunity to spend as much time with our lovely customers as we could and to share. Seems so long ago.

After Tracey left I was a bit perplexed to see her come back after two hours later……but she brought us food!  She also brought me food to take home and eat because she knows I tend to ping food these days just because of time and effort! I couldn’t believe it – she went home and she made me a cottage pie and brought me in a salad and she bought in pastries for all of us in the office that she’d made that morning.   So, of course I cried again, and she laughed and said that she knew I was going to do that – was nice to see her laugh.  She’s also organising a fundraiser for our 26 on the 26 campaign – having her Dad (who is living with dementia) get active around his local area – she has set up a fundraising page now with Luke’s help and that’s definitely given her purpose and drive…..not only has she fed us, but she’s actively contributing to the charity and I can see her becoming invigorated by it.  That’s how all the team are now, its why we do what we do….to make a positive difference.  

Martha and Isla also both popped into the office.  Isla was picking up files that she needed for accounts because sadly they don’t stop just because we are in lockdown and Martha was in to drop off some receipts too.   

Another request from social care today – a bed required for someone being discharged home from a nursing home. The lady has Parkinson’s and her lack of mobility means she cannot get upstairs anymore and can only fit a single downstairs.  Anyway all sorted within the hour and it will be collected and delivered to her house on Monday……at least she can go home and stay safe.

First befriending call today! One of our trustees is ringing Miss B now each week to chat for a while and to put the world to rights!  She is 91 and just wants a call just once a week to have a general chat, she has been housebound for a couple of years, after an injury to her back….. I cannot imagine how she gets by on a day to day basis.  The match seems to be a good one though!

And lastly a very special visitor……I saw Phoebe [granddaughter] today which was so very very lovely but I was instantly sad as she automatically social distanced. I found that awful and I started to worry – I’m her best friend (so she says, although I accept everyone is!) and I am her nanny who she spends a lot of time with and we cuddle a lot! but she did not even attempt to,,,,,,how has that happened so quickly? She’s only 3 ½ and I never want her to think this is normal…how quickly will she revert back? Will she revert back to the affectionate and tactile little one she was only a few weeks back? This is my worry tonight…..This will pass but what will it leave in its wake.

Miserable…….

 

Thursday 23rd April

First journal note at 6am – I’ve woken up  and given myself a good telling off – I need to snap out of this silly questioning of things I cannot answer and I need to concentrate on the good stuff – I am super lucky afterall – I’ve always said I’ve got the best job in the world, so about time I sorted myself out and cracked on – that’s my resolve for today!

Some lovely stuff has gone on today.  We had a gentleman turn up at Sage House to see if we were open or not.  Dianne spotted him and went out and spoke to him.  She explained we were closed and gave hime an activity pack recognising he was pretty sad and a bit almost lost after chatting to him.  She told him about the new befriending service and that he should just give us a call and have a natter if he fancied it – he said he didn’t want to waste our valuable time but she insisted that it was fine.  Turns out his wife used to be a day breaks customer until a few months ago when she passed away – he’d been coming to Sage House himself – just popping in for a cup of tea every week or so to keep himself busy.  Thank goodness – he rang through to the team when he got home.  He admitted he’s very lonely, grieving and feels completely overwhelmed by his feelings especially as he now cannot go anywhere or see anyone for distraction.  He was delighted with the pack and said it gave him some positive focus.  The wayfinding team will work with him now for a bit – he needs more than befriending – he needs some emotional support for his grief and some mechanisms and techniques to help him cope and deal with his feelings. 

We’re reviewing the draft of the 2nd edition of the activity pack – its been a springboard to so many other things that I’m keen we get this one right too!

Our first shopping requests are filtering through which is exciting news – its affording those who really want to and can, with an opportunity to get involved, so a couple of our trustees are on call to help out.  It’s hard not to feel sorry for those you are delivering to – the referrals we get are those that have been filtered by Adult’s Social Care where there really is no alternative for the individual – no family who can help and those who have ben banished to lockdown for the longest amount of time.  The trustee delivering Miss S’ shopping stopped and chatted (at distance) with her about hairdressers or lack of and all sorts of things! This was never going to be just a shopping service afterall – its about people seeing other people – hearing voices and presence of being……must talk to Martha about debrief for trustees…

An unexpected contact from another CEO of a charity elsewhere in the Country with whom I am networked on LinkedIn.  He has suggested we have a zoom call to chat about where Day Centre services might head next to swap our thinking – he does something similar with people with autism.  He said my blog which Ive been putting online has been a helpful read and reassuring! We’re going to talk next week – I like that this is helping others…..I also love an unintended positive cosequence of getting heads together to think about how we can make the next step as good as possible!

Going to bed happier tonight – proactivity is what I like and I’m beginning to feel it reemerge.

 

Friday 24th April

We’ve really started something!! After last week’s throw away comment between Dianne and myself i.e. “let’s dress up tomorrow in the office” we have turned it into a mini campaign!

Lots of meetings which started with an SMT meeting and then I went straight into the Board of Trustees meeting – so very proud –  they all got into the spirit of the “Dress up For Dementia” #D4D and all dressed up!!

The meeting was good although I admit to the fact that there were some areas where I found it difficult to be focussed.  I am struggling with meetings online and find I cannot concentrate as much as I can face to face – any more than an hour and I get fidgety and my attention span is certainly waning.

The struggle during the meeting was that none of us could do what, essentially, we should be doing or would normally do.  The role of the trustee is to collectively agree the strategic aims and objectives for the charity.  It is my job to work with them and help develop the strategy and then with my team to design and develop operational plans to deliver said strategy.  The charity uses a system of committees split between, Services, Fundraising, Finance and HR who largely make the decisions and escalate those decisions to Board for information – again my role is to work with these committees.

 

 

The problem is we cannot set a strategy. We cannot make decisions.  We do not know what we do not know. Some are struggling with that but, I think I am coming around to accepting that position now.  We often use the phrase to carers of people living with dementia that you have to “go with the flow” you do not try to correct, do not argue as it is fruitless.  I think “go with the flow” amply sums up where we might best be served for the moment with strategic planning.  I remind myself and appreciate also that I am far more weighted currently toward the operational than the strategic.  It’s why I find some of the conversations challenging as my priorities are gearing to customer and carer issues and how we overcome them and that of keeping our team tight, together and motivated.  So upon reflection as I write this I appreciate I was a bit grumpy…..the board will forgive me I’m sure…

 

Following the Board meeting we went into our Team Coffee Break and it was great as a lot of the team got all dressed up too!! We then directly after went into a Dawn Gracie special which she Facebook lived from our page – she also got dressed up and explained what we were up to and announced that our theme for next week is the 1960’s!! Dianne is mortified!  It was brilliant to think that some of our old customers were watching and enjoying – we had some of the nursing homes tune in too and even had messages to say the staff at a local care home were dancing around with residents – LOVE IT!!

I am home this evening on Friday writing my journal and actually I have to say that I am okay. The day was okay in the end – many highs mixed with a bit of grumpy, but I wasn’t filled with the sadness and anxiety I think I have felt in the last few weeks.  I am still tired but less so (although maybe my body has just adjusted to it?) and I think I can see some light – I hear snippets of good things but I am still being choosey about what news I listen to.  I am still wanting the 7th May (don’t get fixated Sally) for lockdown lift….really would love for us to enter our third year with renewed hope and vigour. My mantra is becoming a truth for me this will pass.

 

Until next week……. Respirer l’instant

 

 

Sally Tabbner

A very lucky CEO

25/04/2020

A very very proud CEO

18/04/2020

Sally Tabbner’s Covid-19 Weekly Diary – 4

Dementia Support's Chief Executive Sally Tabbner

 

Reflecting on the Week………

It’s Saturday morning and I was awake in the night again – internet shopping has become my friend in the last few weeks, as well as very loud, 80’s & 90’s music, which I am very badly and loudly singing along to (not in the middle of the night though – I live in a terraced house!)…..I guess it’s all about distraction at the moment, reminiscence to happier and more carefree times.  I feel like everything is at extremes…..one minute caught up in those distractions and then plummeting into the reality of our current world – it’s almost like moderate doesn’t exist anymore?

I might be gauging it wrong – we are all in our own little bubbles and worlds at the moment afterall, but I do feel that there is a little more sadness around in the last few days.  With the lockdown confirmed as being at least a further three weeks and knowing that in reality we are only three weeks into it, I feel that for others (certainly more so than myself even) there has been a shift in mood.  The downturn in the weather hasn’t helped but it certainly feels that people who I talk to are moving away from panic and bewilderment and toward depression and for some almost hopelessness. 

The numbers of Covid positive people grows but steadier than predicted in this part of the world, and still as part of the social care “system” we wait.  I’ve spoken to a lot of others in the social care world over the last few weeks who all confirm the same – dates fly around constantly of who has heard what about when it might “hit” but the reality is no one knows – it’s all conjecture which we choose to either buy into or not.  Personally, I am working toward 7th May for an end to lockdown.  It will be Sage House’s 2nd Birthday on the 8th May since opening and personally I cannot think of a better way to enter into our 3rd Year.  I am trying not to become fixated on a timeline though, as I don’t think it will be helpful for me, but I am holding onto my new mantra of this will pass as much as I can – it’s even written on the whiteboard in my office!

I feel like I am definitely talking to more people generally but perhaps that is because you have to make a special effort, it isn’t just a passing hello or unplanned exchange anymore.  My role means I need to be talking to my team all of the time but now it means “zooming” or using “teams” to make contact rather than just wandering over to see them…oh for those days soon – I’m a people person so this is challenging. 

I’m also in touch with family more, in fact my day started today with a lovely short video from my sister at 7am.  It was a thirty second clip of my 1-year old niece playing with the book I bought her for Christmas. It sings the Baby Shark song very loudly at the touch of a button which little Sienna has just learnt to press – so clever! According to my sister this is not acceptable in the small hours of the morning but I cannot help but feel proud 😊.

So it’s been a shorter week due to the Easter break and the fact that I did as I was told by my SMT and took some time out means I have entered into the week refreshed…..

 

Saturday 11th April

Well I had a lay in! I didn’t get up until about 8am this morning and then I went and sat in my conservatory to type up last week’s blog.  I also cover the phones on a Saturday these days – they are not ringing off the hook and currently we only operate from 10am to 2pm, which we’ve introduced since lockdown as we only used to operate during weekdays.  That said when the phone rings at 4pm I still answer it – cannot bear to think someone needs to talk and no one answers.

I received a couple of phone calls from one of our customers, Mr P.  He lives alone but has carers going in to ensure he takes his medication and has a meal of an evening.  It’s so challenging for him as he likes to be out walking.  Before all of this, his routine was to visit us at Sage House pretty much each day.  He would talk to each member of staff to ensure everyone and everything was as it should be.  He felt part of our family having been involved with the charity for a very long time and at times we would all joke that he was actually the one in charge of us.  I miss this a lot.    

We tend to ring him these days if he hasn’t been in touch by mid-morning, but invariably he rings early, and we chat at least 4 times a day.  We tell him that we are keeping safe by staying at home and not going out and reminding him that he needs to do the same – sometimes he listens and accepts, other times we know he will be out within the hour.  By the time I speak to him today, he has been out on the bus to Portsmouth and back, but says he didn’t get off.  He says the bus driver (at Stage Coach who we work closely with regarding this gentleman) has given him a guided tour of Portsmouth pointing out all of the different historical places along the way – just the two of them on the bus throughout.  I know I shouldn’t smile but he sounds really happy as we chat about his trip, how lovely the weather is and I do my best to convince him to stay in for the rest of the day – I know it’s unlikely as he’s fixated on walking by the sea this afternoon.  We need to keep him safe, as we worry that soon his carers will potentially stop going in to see him if they feel that the risk is too high with him not self-isolating.  This would of course be completely disastrous.Today I also had a lovely chat with Mr B – he told me had read the blog and found it an “uplifting read” 😊.  He had managed to get a shopping slot at Waitrose in Chichester and does drive but his wife, who has dementia, has been poorly recently and he’s naturally worried about going out.  I can tell he doesn’t want to ask, but it is what we are here for so I insist.  The mind does do overtime at the moment, as we talk about scenarios such as what would happen if the car broke down whilst out etc.  I tell him to send me the info – I only live a couple of miles from him anyway and can easily get into Chichester – I can do a bit of a shop myself so all in all it works out well.  Selfishly I felt useful afterwards, like at least I could help if only in this very small way.

It’s been a hot day again which has been lovely – I managed to get outside to write up some of my blog which took 6 hours! Need to try and cut that down a bit but I’m getting really lovely feedback from people saying it’s a helpful and useful insight I will keep at it!

Late night – a couple of glasses of Merlot but I’m not working tomorrow so why not?

 

Sunday 12th April & Monday 13th April 

I took two whole days off!!  I completely zoned out from anything work or Covid-19 related – I did not watch the news and I pretended to myself that all was right in the world.  I even took two naps on the Sunday and one on the Monday!

Monday evening and I sit reflecting on how needed the last couple of days have been, just how restorative it has been to do what I have.  I reflect that I am lucky in so many ways – actually single life means that I can do what I want when I want – that’s a good thing! I have a lovely family who I have been facetiming and zooming – I’ve seen them – okay online, but I feel reassured and I know that they are safe. 

The problem with these reflections is that it then leads to massive pangs of guilt.  Largely those who work in Charities such as ours, do it for personal and vocational reasons – in fact I can hand on heart say that all of my team do, and I consider myself included within that.  I personally have a need to make a difference to older people (always have) and particularly those living with dementia since I lost both of my grandparents to it.  So I feel massively guilty about the rest and relaxation I have had, about napping when I wanted, choosing what I wanted to do and when, for lazing in my garden, using technology to see my family and being spoiled by the life that I have in what are terribly dark times for my customers.

My life is easy.  I need to hold onto that for this will pass and then we can get back to building the charity to providing the meaningful and what is so evident right now, vital respite services for our customers.  The worry then switches to how will that work? what will it look like? and when? but that’s for another day.

 

Tuesday 14th April

So, it’s starting to get pretty tricky now and it’s been a day of some real lows.

The residential and nursing homes are starting to be hit hard and we know we have customers who have had to go in because we have closed our services – this is such a sickening feeling and I can barely bring myself to think about it.  My team are doing everything within their power to support our carers through this.  One such local home, where one of our customers is residing, now has a confirmed case of Covid-19 and they have been on lockdown since the 23rd March.  The reality is that it can only be one of the staff who brought it in and therefore the risk of it having spread to others is huge.  Our carer is at her wits end.  She only put him in the home during this period as she felt it would be less risky – with his complex needs he needs specialist support and the carer was concerned that as home care agencies often use temporary and agency staff plus swap shifts around a lot, that her loved one would be exposed to less people in a residential home – that he would be safer – especially given it was locked down. She did her due diligence and agonised over this decision.

She went from full time carer to someone who couldn’t even visit her loved one and now finds herself in this situation??  She knows that if he does contract Covid-19 its highly unlikely that they will convey him to hospital for treatment – they aren’t from care homes and worse still if he were to pass, she won’t be there.  He was supposed to be safe – she sacrificed spending time with him to make him so and actually I cannot fathom any of this.

I also know it’s incredibly selfish as this isn’t about me at all, but I feel immensely guilty.  I cried in the office ….Dianne and Luke help what could easily become me catastrophising as I start down the road of thinking I was ultimately responsible for that decision to close us – I know I had to but still it’s my name at the bottom of that piece of paper who gave the directive….they reassure me its not my fault.  I am angry at myself for letting myself get upset – I have no right.

I’ve been told one of the local homes is reporting 12 deaths from Covid-19 and they’ve apparently got another 20 confirmed cases.  Many homes are no longer accepting new admissions so quite what will happen when the hit comes I don’t know – I’ve heard that there is little or no rehab taking place instead people are being admitted to homes but no physios/OTs are able to enter because of lockdown.  Some of these are young people who might have had a stroke or injury and been only a matter of a couple of weeks maybe even days were completely mobile and living independent “normal” lives.  They need help to recover and rehabilitate which they now won’t get and the importance of early rehab is essential to recovery.  The reach of this whole debacle continues to expand.

Last week we’d got so excited to have set up a bank account and benefits for our ex-offender who has a dementia…..but a “glitch” has manifested.  The bank need a photo of him at the branch despite us knowing him and being able to vouch for him and describe fully – absolutely no flexibility – all we hear is these are “unprecented” times – if that’s the case why can’t these big beasts of organisations take some “unprecented” flipping action in order to make life a little easier for very vulnerable people?  Unbelievably the only person able to help with getting the photo sorted was his daughter.  She is an NHS Trauma Nurse on a Covid-19 ward!!!  She had to drive miles, clearly stressed with what she is currently dealing with in her life, get fully gowned and masked up – to take a photo of her father which probably won’t even be looked at.  She is fuming – I am fuming for her and don’t get our Wayfinders started…. 

 

Some good news today, Alight Media (digital billboard company with various nationwide sites), who were introduced to the charity via a new trustee have set up running a campaign for us around loneliness – they are generously working with us and we are taking advantage of some of their underutilised space currently.  Amazing to think people in Scotland and London will be able to see our logo! 

I am tired from crying, but I am essentially a bit numb this evening to some emotions – perhaps because I felt so good yesterday but I will see what tomorrow holds and hang onto the fact that this will pass………………….it has to.

 

Wednesday 15th April

This morning started with someone contacting us from Pakistan! Our social media presence has grown hugely in the last 4 weeks or so and we have been encouraging people to get in touch if they would like an activity pack to relieve the boredom.  A lovely lady who is looking after her mother who is living with dementia found us via Instagram and asked for a pack – she was also desperate for advice and help.  We are currently exchanging emails with her with some advice that she can use to help her family and she has downloaded one of our resource packs!

We had two collections of activity packs today one from a nursing home where one of our customers is, so knowing he’s going to get a pack is really lovely and that he will be reminded of us even if just subliminally is a really great thing to know. 

I managed to catch up on quite a lot of my emails today and do some very basic things that have fallen by the wayside recently and which, in honesty, I am struggling to be interested or concerned with.  They are however things which are important from a good governance perspective and now is not the right time to let that slip.  I send out some minutes of meetings and get some board and committee meetings set up ready for the next couple of weeks plus manage to get through some correspondence that is woefully out of date but I hope everyone will understand.  Then I opened the post……..

A customer had sent in a copy of a letter they had received from their local GP surgery which was dated the 31 March and I am completely mortified.  Basically, the letter says that they are receiving this letter because they have a diagnosis of a type of dementia and that dementia is a condition that naturally increases your frailty level due to the deterioration of your cognition.  It states they are more vulnerable with regards to the Covid-19 virus.  The GP letter then says that they appreciate that the patient might be fairly well and active at the moment and that the letter might come as a shock.  It says they don’t want to alarm or upset anyone but they’re taking the opportunity to prepare themselves and ultimately prepare the patient.  It states that as the Covid-19 pandemic continues to worsen (remember dated 31/03/2020) it’s important to plan well for your future care by getting a good understanding of your wishes which will help your family members carers or clinicians to give the care wanted and where you want it. Okay so there’s some scary stuff in this considering the date……………

………….HOWEVER, the letter then sets out some background and explains how COVID-19 often presents and the treatment that might be required i.e. with a ventilator.  It explains that currently hospitals are coping with the demand upon intensive care beds but that is likely to change as there will be an increasing numbers of deaths, admissions and confirmed cases……the worrying thing for me is that it then states that for the majority of patients with dementia conveyance to hospital in the event of Covid-19 viral pneumonia will not be appropriate as the body is unlikely to respond to treatment and therefore it’s more appropriate for patients to be kept in a place of residence where they can be kept comfortable and looked after around familiar surroundings and by people who know them.  It talks about CPR for patients being virtually zero and then it asks the receiver of the letter to consider whether they want life prolonging treatment and whether they want to go into hospital??? After that???  Attached to the letter is an advanced decision’s form for completion!! Made more incomprehensible by the fact that two witnesses are required for the document.  In this day and age are we really guilting people into euthanasia by suggesting “you are going to die anyway so don’t bother taking up resources?”

Martha is onto this with the CCG – I’m nauseated and need to understand how on earth anyone thought it would be okay to send this out to another person – I mean what on earth? What is the scale – is this just one surgery, are there more?  People locked down unable to go see the sender or even speak to them at the moment – how can you be expected to make any such decision under these circumstances?  N.B. I thought long and hard about whether to include this in the blog as I appreciate it will be an upsetting read for some, but these are the issues our Wayfinding Team are trying to support people with  – these are the decisions our customers are feeling pressured into making

We are still at distancing plodding around the Tangmere airfield most days to try and get some fresh air – it’s not enough to help me sleep. I am averaging 4-5 hours and I have always been a 10 hour a night person…I suspect tonight will be a rubbish one again

 

Thursday 16th April

 

VERY small things bring relief at the moment such as discovering that you can change your backdrop on teams.  Seriously “well done Microsoft”, that gave me a little excitement first thing this morning.  I completely appreciate how shallow that likely sounds but seeing Lisa on a beach surrounded by palm trees in our fundraising catch up made me feel a little less blue, if only momentarily.

Virgin have just announced that as the marathon cannot now take place that they are launching the “2.6 challenge”.  The team in the office have given it a lot of thought as have SMT, so now Lisa and I have lots to discuss so that we can link this to what we are doing and our charity response to it.  We have an amazing local community and corporate partners who we are sure will want to get involved and do something.  The idea is that people take part in an activity of their choice based around the numbers 2.6 or 26 and raise some money whilst doing it.  Ideas include: running around your balcony for 26 minutes; doing 26 press-ups with the dog on your back??; singing 26 songs; being silent for 2.6 hours (perhaps one for the kids?!).  By lunchtime Luke has finalised the artwork and uploaded the content to the website – Dianne has organised to get some of her supporters involved and videos with people saying how they are going to support are going out on social media.  I am staggered at how quickly my team is working now and turning things around…..seriously staggered.

We are busy trying to keep up with all of the legislation changes around furloughing and HMRC and are approaching our deadline to run payroll for the month – thank goodness we have the support from James Todd to support us through it.  It’s a minefield for a little organisation like us and I wonder how even smaller charities are managing with fewer resources than ours.

Dianne and I have a discussion in the office.  It’s fair to say we both probably spend too much time shopping online and buying clothes.  Whilst completely inconsequential in today’s world, we are moaning at how drab we feel as we have only worn jeans and t shirts for the last 3 weeks, whereas normally we make a little bit of an effort to “look the part”.  We decided to stop moaning and sort it out, it’s a problem within our gift to negate, so we agree that tomorrow (Friday – (which has also become Pizza day at Sage House incidentally) we would get smartened up and make an effort!  We tell Luke he has to wear a suit and tie too! His face was funny, but I think he will oblige – I’m not sure he even wore a tie to his interview only 7 months ago!

A high today is that we have just added up the number of packs that we have sent out to vulnerable older people in our local community and it totals 812!! We are all shocked and amazed and are getting some amazing feedback.

The low…..I am feeling fearful….the latest statistics were released this afternoon from the ONS (Office for National Statistics) relating to Corona virus related deaths in March and it is grim, worrying reading.  It’s been reported by the BBC News and basically shows that 9/10 people who have died from Covid-19 are people who have pre-existing health conditions, which you would probably anticipate given the reporting.  Sadly however dementia and Alzheimer’s disease was the highest condition that females over the age of 70 had as well as coronavirus in March.  The older males over 70 is also a very high figure, although does fall behind those who are living with Ischaemic Heart disease.  That’s for March.  It terrifies me about what is going to be reflected in these statistics for April, especially given what we know with regard to care homes and their levels of Covid – I am desperately trying to hang onto the fact that this will pass but in honesty it’s a challenge as I write my journal tonight.

I am definitely missing having the team around me – I guess I am a sharer and my SMT and I all know one another well enough to know when one of us is maybe off kilter a little – including the approach to take, the questions to ask and how to support each other.  If this had been at any other time with the ONS stats that came out today, we would have likely sat together and talked them through – we would have reasoned it out and shared how we felt about them – we would probably have felt strong together to discuss the impact that it might have on our own customers, but instead, alone I choose to not let me brain go down that road – I acknowledge the information and then put it away in a box until I feel happy to bring that out again.  I’m not going to pretend, I am worried – not for me but for our lovely customers who I can only hope are staying as safe as they can.  I need to make sure they all know that we can help them with shopping and prescriptions – they must stay inside and keep safe….need to push the advertising of what we can offer more…..off to bed – I need sleep.

 

Friday 17th April

Today we’ve done the “dressing up” thing which has invigorated me to a degree – another distraction as we decided to turn it into a fundraising initiative! Distractions are very helpful at the moment.  We launched, albeit “organically” as Luke refers to it, Dress-up for Dementia [#d4d]. 

Essentially, we have introduced the reverse of the dress-down day concept where people give to the charity by texting and then get dressed up for the day for their zoom meetings etc. We’ve invited people to get their teams to dress up smart for their virtual meetings or if people are having a virtual quiz/bingo etc that they get dressed up to participate and support the charity at the same time! (Dianne and I are wearing evening wear next Friday!!)  It’s not for everyone of course but it lifted our spirits in the office and my morale.

We had a team zoom chat with 22 of us involved – I know I keep saying it but I do miss them so much.  Some were unable to join as they were feeling a bit low and some couldn’t because of the number of cases we have on the go – some new customers to wayfinding and such complex needs but in these times all of the usual things that we might suggest are all irrelevant.  Including go outside, get some fresh air; can you get some friends to pop around etc…Also you build trust by meeting with people and demonstrating to them what you can do and face to face is truly best when trying to offer emotional support.

I need to make sure the team are ok and feel supported too with proper clinical supervision too where appropriate – the emotional drain is tough and the offload is important – you cannot carry this stuff around as it festers.

At the zoom meeting everybody had a minute to talk about what they’ve been up to again, some sadness was certainly shared but it’s really lovely that as a team they are coming together [virtually] and feel able to share.  They are all actively talking about being lonely; about the challenges of working at home and home schooling their children.  I truly believe this will only go to build a more collegiate approach going forwards, which actually was really brought to my attention by an email that I received from one of the team afterwards.  They talked about missing Sage House but that they have a feeling as a team we would be stronger at the end of all of this…..so lovely to hear and what I really needed to hear from someone who had no agenda or need to reach out.

The packs have been so very well received – we have a further 100 coming on Monday but will then run out, but we are already working on the second one!!  We have so far sent out 912 packs, 50 of which to our current customers.

This means that we have so far reached 862 new people to Sage House, these are all older vulnerable people and this all in just two weeks. 

It’s pretty immense and all due to an amazing team effort which started by getting the content together in which the whole team played a part.  The design, print, packing and delivery have also been crucial which has involved many volunteers, trustees and family members. 

None of that though would have happened without the dedication and tenacity of each of those people and their desire to make a difference at this dark time to the people who need it the most……that is what the Dementia Support team do…..it’s what makes us very special.

Until next week…….

 

Sally Tabbner

A very very proud CEO

18/04/2020

Sally Tabbner’s Covid-19 Weekly Diary – 3

Dementia Support's Chief Executive Sally Tabbner

 

Reflecting on the Week………

As is now becoming habitual, it is Saturday morning as I collate those bits of my journal that might be of interest into this blog.  It’s slightly later than the previous weeks, my sleep pattern is getting into more of a rhythm overall and the sunnier, warmer days are definitely helping my overall mood.  The ball of anxiety and worry is lessening generally (I think) as I am starting to recognise some things in my life that I can be grateful for and even look forward to once this is all over. 

One such thing is that my daughter has been accepted to study her Social Work degree – I am so very proud of her!  She’s an Assistant Care Manager currently and based in the largest acute hospital in our area, which is something that has played heavily on my mind in the last month.  Knowing that she is exposed, more than most, by her environment is scary and the lack of “basics” – latex gloves at one point for heaven’s sake, and PPE itself has been beyond worrying – I will leave it at that but I was sickened by some of what I heard which was only reinforced in the national news repeatedly.  I worry that she then goes home to her/my precious little young family and whilst she is a professional and knows how to minimise the risk, I can’t help but feel anxious. 

My daughter and her colleagues are now essentially waiting for this “to hit”….they’re normally a super busy team dealing with some of the most vulnerable people in our society and they’ve been even more manic in the last 3 weeks discharging people out into the community – doing their best to clear wards and beds in readiness.  Covid wards popping up around them.  They have also, in the last few weeks, been “skilling up” to deliver direct care, so that they can frontline personal care delivery itself, should the bottom drop out of domiciliary care provision locally, which is a big risk.  Like us all now though they wait…..

It hurts not seeing my family a lot – like everyone I guess but I think it feels worse living alone?  I managed to see them for a couple of minutes at a distance during the week, so as to give them something.  Whilst lovely to feel their presence, the experience was made so much harder when my little 3 ½ year old bubba blew me a kiss from inside the car and said “I love you Nanny, see you properly when the virus has gone”…..I walked into my office and cried….sobbed…..it’s all so very wrong. Wrong that a little one of that age uses the word virus.  I appreciate that she doesn’t know what it means but even still??? I honestly felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach afterward, by the fact that I couldn’t cuddle her.  Facetime isn’t the same.  The wave then hit of guilt, for my utter selfishness – at least I am getting out and about, furthermore I have the knowledge of knowing I am contributing in these times – I really can’t think how any of our customers are getting by day to day, without the family connections, without going out without any respite from their little worlds….especially those living alone.

I currently feel a general sense of nervousness – not an excited nervousness though a scared and unprepared one…..like everyone I guess?  We can all see the numbers in the news, but it still feels unreal to my personal world although my reality might shift again as we’ve had one of our ‘established’ customers just be confirmed with the virus now.  I know I am not being realistic, but I really don’t want that number to change.

So, here you have the last week of my journal…as usual too much detail and too long – so my apologies in advance!

 

Saturday 4th April

I feel okay today I’ve woken up early, 5.30 am, but I’m alright and I’m just cracking on trying to catch up with emails.  I’ve an inbox no one would be proud of – over 1000 emails all which need an answer.  I’ve been disciplined in the last few days to immediately delete and file those that don’t need a response….so I know I need to crack on.  It’s a quieter Saturday compared to last week, but I probably need some more of my “normal” work to enable me to ‘downtime’ a little from the continual adrenaline that’s running through me.  I’m simply working at home and essentially blogging my life!

I then touch base and am messaging with an ex. Colleague who works in a very Senior Management role in Social Care in London – they are a week ahead of us in this debacle and he tells me it is “stepping up a gear”. I can truly hear the anxiety in his messages.  My worry is always for customers and my team but he’s feeling guilty and completely awful at “sending his teams out during these times” – he’s worried that they will start getting Covid and frankly, dying, and that “he’s sent them in”……his PPE levels are still not all as they should be and the advice at this stage anyway is that “unless a worker is going into a known Covid positive environment, that they don’t need it?”.  We eventually reason that people on the frontline do what we do because we need to make a difference, that people know and understand the risks involved and that it’s about staff making informed decisions and choice ultimately.

We then however talk about the thing that’s scaring us both the most…. Not something I’ve found able to verbalise until now.  It’s a thought we have both had, as I guess a lot in our types of job probably have had too but having a discussion about it makes it feel like a real scenario not something far-fetched.  Will someone, and if so, who, will make a decision that no care should be given to anyone who is Covid positive?  The decision to withdraw care and just leave people to get on with it is completely incomprehensible to me – seriously my mind cannot cope.  I can’t grasp the idea of people passing alone – but will we be forced into that position? If one of my customers cried out for help, how could I ever not go? My duty of care means I would never expect any of my team to go, but me personally, never….I feel defeated by this – I am always half glass full, spot the opportunities and silver lining but that conversation has floored me and I feel empty.

I can only liken it to how those in the military must feel maybe? Sending people into such risky situations – such massive respect for them.    

Highlight of my day was chatting to Mr P on the phone a few times – the sunshine today has really lifted his mood – we’ve been really concerned about his anxiety levels recently so, to hear him jolly is simply lovely. He’s continuing to go out though – we speak to him a lot during the day and try to get him to stay home but he doesn’t understand or remember so continues to go walkabout.  We’ve done our best to ensure as many people in “authority” know as we are concerned, worried that he will get into trouble especially if he’s anxious already if approached.  But today he is happy – jovial in fact and that helps to lift my mood.

 

Sunday 5th April

Up at 4.00 am – the whole people dying alone thing is really playing on my mind – it’s like some kind of apocalyptic film that I would never even contemplate bothering to watch because I only like plausible things – but here we are? Funerals taking place without anyone present.  A member of my team recently lost a family member and has had exactly this situation in the last couple of weeks.  The best that could be offered was to drive their loved one around the different family member’s homes before the funeral so that they could at least see them for one last time and pay their respects from behind closed doors. How can you get closure from that?

This is all nonsensical…..my mood has shifted to actually being pretty angry though so there was only one thing to do….chores!

I spent the day doing housework, gardening and finally doing my nails!  It’s so good to be distracted – the state of the house and garden have been annoying me as I’ve been putting in so many hours and don’t have the energy nor inclination at the end of the day.  Being busy like this is a good diversion to what is going on in the world especially as I am blasting music from my youth and pretending, I’m 21 again! My SMT have been telling me to take some downtime – if I’m honest I’ve avoided it a little being on your own is no fun currently but of course they are right, and I feel so much healthier for it! 

At the end of the day I sit with a glass of Merlot and a realisation hits – my underlying concern is that it will be me who tells my team and reinforces that they cannot go and sit with a customer in the situation that’s been playing on my mind. I feel responsible, accountable….I know that I am not though – Covid-19 is…….I have to believe and hold onto the fact that THIS WILL PASS

 

Monday 30th March

Today we held a team coffee morning via Zoom which was so lovely!! To see 17 members of the team all smiling back at me was great.  Zoom meetings are difficult to manage and some of the team are better with tech than others (you know who you are!!)  I feel I’m getting quite good now at chairing zoom meetings and we got into a rhythm as I gave everyone an opportunity to chat for a couple of minutes about what they’ve been working on and how they’re feeling and basically share with those who they normally spend so much time with and now cannot. I know they are all keeping in touch between themselves but having them altogether was fab!  My only complaint is that you have to have everyone mute themselves otherwise it’s too much, so you don’t really get any feedback, ‘chat’ or laughter etc – I think I miss background noise a bit!  We agreed we are going to do that twice a week now – just 30 minutes so we keep the team bond going.

Went for a walk at lunchtime must try and find a different route as it’s getting boring now!

We started to get some of the Activity Packs together and out for delivery to our Sage House customers.  A couple of trustees also got involved including our chairman! Loved the photo his wife took who was helping him navigate around.  I think he welcomed the distraction and the fact that he was actively playing a part in making it feel better for vulnerable people and our customers who we all miss so much. 

One of our trustees actually sent her son (he’s 19) who is struggling with being locked down and he was out delivering in Southbourne and Bosham all afternoon and Dianne took Bognor.  I went and delivered to customers in Littlehampton and Yapton which was great as I got to see some familiar faces albeit through their windows – felt like I had achieved something at the end of the day because of this – I like to “do” not just talk and write about it – I like tangible and it’s a need in me which is really strong right now.

I still have that feeling of everything being so surreal but it is starting to feel a bit more normal now – the quieter roads and the louder birdsong – the lack of engine noise from cars and planes everywhere – cyclists everywhere is  a bit annoying though 😊.  I hate the way everyday language has changed though – commonly used phrases like lockdown and social distancing which just didn’t exist really 3 weeks ago.

We continue with the call lists to our customers and we’ve also had some difficult cases on the phone.  Carers really at the end of their tether with what’s going on currently – you can understand why people will want to take risks as the lockdown continues – anything to break the cycle of anxiety that some with dementia are entering into. 

Guidance related to care giving is coming out from the Department of Health, NICE and Public Health England, left right and centre – dementia seems to have fallen off the inclusion criteria list though which is really frustrating – yet again pretty much ignored.  Autism and learning disabilities are often referred to and I am super frustrated about it – just not helpful…..the complexities of living with a dementia are difficult at the best of times let alone now. 

One case feels really hard that Martha is trying to deal with.  It involves a woman living with dementia in a care home and her son.  He has previously had to fight to ensure that she has received the right care as four years ago her dementia returned her to a time in her life where she was anorexic which meant she then refused to eat.  Her son had to go through 3 court hearings to ensure that she received the right care and be PEG fed as the hospital refused treatment to her because of her age.  Now he fears that NICE guidance will not ensure that his Mother will receive the correct treatment if she was diagnosed with health issues or COVID-19 and fears that she could die alone in the care home – his anxiety levels must be though the roof and it’s so difficult to know how to support him.

It’s been a busy day but active and I go to bed happy that the team on the face of it seem okay and holding up – must book next zoom meeting for Thursday!

 

Tuesday 31st March

 

So, life is definitely returning to some sense of normality in that I have had four meetings today – all virtually of course!

The first one was around the research paper that we are considering putting together to demonstrate how we are responding to the Covid-19 crisis and importantly how the actions that we are taking compare to other geographic areas and of course the impact upon people living with dementia.  We need to give it more thought and Sue is putting the detail together.  It’s important that we get the data side of things sorted at an early stage in order that we can demonstrate how actually the interventions we’re putting in have helped make things a little better for people.  

We had the daily SMT meeting for an hour – I think we can start to think about moving these to be less frequent as staff, ways of working and our new services are starting to settle. 

We next had a Fundraising Development Committee which was okay and again held via zoom!  I told them to sit still while I took the picture – very funny Andy Taylor-Whyte!

A useful meeting to discuss and share plans to launch an emergency appeal regarding Covid – Lisa had written a brilliant paper about the external fundraising environment feeding back the intelligence that’s starting to come out and how that might play out with us.  It’s a scary read and includes the fact that; Charities report a projected loss of 48% to their voluntary income & a third wiped off from their total income; 52% of charities have reduced existing or previous levels of service, with a further 12% intending to in the future – like us having to close day breaks.  84% of charities think their organisation could play a role in responding to the coronavirus outbreak, with the majority saying that government funding was needed to help them to do so…..we are definitely in the 84% and finally 91% of charities surveyed have already had their cash flow disrupted – this definitely applies.

I suppose it should bring some comfort knowing you are not alone in this but it doesn’t – we are such a young, dynamic and ambitious charity – we just want to share the magic formula we have found in supporting people to live well with dementia and with as many people as possible and we are being thwarted by a virus.  So many big plans for this year lost….. My frustration is definitely more feisty at the moment but this makes me sad….we could have helped and supported even more people.

Anyway, back to the committee meeting – Lisa’s paper was received really well – everyone listened and agreed with the approach that Lisa and I had discussed around plans of action and timelines.  

After the meeting, Dianne Luke and myself went for a walk and decided to deliver some leaflets for the befriending service – a beautiful day again and nice to have a feeling of “doing”.

The afternoon though plummeted for me personally.  After much soul searching, talking to various trustees and SMT, I took the decision to furlough some of the team.  I simply haven’t the work for them – some have had nothing for a few week’s but I’ve held back waiting to see what gaps appear and if I need the resource to fill them.  If I could find anything that could use their amazing skills then I would at this time, but I have to do what’s best for the charity.  HMRC have agreed to fund 80% of salaries and following my recommendation, the trustees have agreed we will top up the other 20% – people who work for small charities don’t earn big bucks – it’s a vocation and people still have families and bills to pay during this nightmare. 

I telephoned each of the seven staff impacted myself – they weren’t difficult phone calls to make in terms of how the news was received.  Quite frankly you are essentially saying “please can you take the next, likely seven weeks off of work, and we’re going to pay you in full and make sure you’ve got a job to come back to”.  It frees them up to go volunteer somewhere if they wish and actively contribute should they choose.  For some that probably isn’t what will happen.  They fall into a slightly higher risk group, so I am confining them is how it feels with no way of breaking up their day for them.  What I found hard is a selfish thought and reaction which I am a little ashamed of.  It made me feel and admit really that those services we’ve had to close such as our café, the day breaks services and our lovely activities just aren’t happening anymore – all the while I had the team, in my head, I think I had the services??? They really have closed and that’s difficult, really, really difficult – an admission of defeat I guess is how it felt.  Of course, I reason that I know it’s going to come back but when? How will it work? How long will they make us socially distance after all of this? How can we operate anything in that situation? These are all such big unknowns currently and I hate not being in control!!!

Some sad news today with one of the customers yesterday having had a TIA and more cases where people are struggling at this time.  There are safeguarding issues that we’re dealing with and we need to talk to the police about how we deal with some of our customers who are out and about all the time – what’s going to happen if they start fining people or arresting people if they go out of the house especially people who have dementia and don’t understand the lockdown guidance?

I popped to see the chairman after work as I needed his urgent signature on some documentation – we social distanced and bless him……I’ve always admired a little private wooded area next to his house – especially at this time of the year when the bluebells are out so he popped two chairs in the middle of them – probably 4 metres apart (he’s very risk averse) and we sat and just chatted for a bit. About life as it currently is and neither of us with any answers, just concerns about how we come out of this at the end from all perspectives.

It was lovely to just sit there and listen to nature – even the bees seem busier and it feels a little like the outside world is coming alive, which is probably reflective of the fact that the human race is slowing down – I’m sure there is a lesson there for this will pass.

 

Wednesday 1st April

Despite ending the day with a feeling of relative peace (well as far as possible in these times), I am awake at 4.00 am unable to sleep and I’m furiously writing to do lists. Despite last week boldly saying we are staying open on the phones throughout the bank holiday period, it’s only just dawned on me that it’s this weekend.  We are still reactive in regard to our social media and designing and developing content as we go, and we need to make sure we have enough to fill four days to ensure our supporters and customers have little updates from us….some tell us that they are looking forward to see what will pop up next on our pages as we are trying to ensure we positively message and share things that are helpful for people self-isolating.  I also need Dianne and Luke to get some downtime as I know (given that I’ve had conversations with them over the weekends recently) that they need a decent break, so I want to be organised.

I went into work probably a bit grumpy as I am so tired – I’m emotional and crying at songs that come on the radio for goodness sake! I must get more sleep tonight!!!

I have spent the day pretty much in meetings, first with SMT then in a one to one with Lisa to catch up on her world and how all of her team are doing at the moment – I am normally pretty close to the fundraising team as we share the same part of the building and it’s sad not getting to talk to them directly like I normally do.

Andy, Isla and myself then had a zoom meeting with Age UK and it feels like we have really forged that relationship now and will be talking referrals for shopping and prescription calls covering the Chichester area from next Tuesday – interestingly they’ve decided to close over the bank holiday period but I guess they are much bigger than us which makes it trickier.  I love being a small charity at the moment – the agility we have in responding is really refreshing.  Of course, Isla and Andy instantly ignite into action around the practicalities of another new service being up and running within a couple of days! By the end of the day procedures have been drafted, spreadsheets built, and processes walked through – I am so lucky to have them!

The packs are getting so much lovely feedback and we’ve had lots of emails requesting packs even from well outside of our geographic area but that’s absolutely fine and of course we oblige.

It was pretty late in the working day, ?5.30 pm and I was in a one to one video call with Isla when she received a phone call from a gentleman in Manchester, really worried about his father particularly.  They desperately needed a prescription picking up from Tangmere Surgery and he had managed to find our details online.  What was lovely was me listening into the call and gesticulating to Isla online that I could go and do it immediately on my way home! I picked it up and had it dropped around within the hour along with a couple of activity packs!  He was over the moon and had been trying for three days to get it sorted – he tried giving me money bless him but I said no! (Don’t tell the chairman!!)

I stood chatting at a distance for about 15 minutes – bless him clearly struggling with this new world of ours.  It really felt nice to do something again – it was less than a mile of driving for me – I could have walked but I was on my way home.  Such gratitude from something so little is humbling.

I’m playing text message tennis with the CCG at the moment about the idea I mentioned last week – it’s still a watch this space and the director I am talking to is whinging that things are moving so incredibly slowly.  Sadly that’s just the way statutory land is and that’s why I left it!

I came home today to find a leaflet through my door from West Sussex County Council asking me if I needed help with shopping, picking up medication or a friendly phone call which I thought was quite humorous given what we have been doing and offering since Covid has broken 3 weeks ago, however hopefully with their leaflets going out through the doors it will mean we get more traffic and referrals across from them.  What they can do is capture everyone with messaging unlike little old us. 

I get an early night – I made a difference today to a lovely man who needed his prescription and I will take that.  This will pass

 

Thursday 2nd April

600 more packs arrive today, and a video’s gone up on Facebook of them being unloaded which seems quite popular!   One of my trustees came in and together with Dianne they must have packaged up more than 200 to get them out!  A couple of Parish Councils have taken delivery of their’s and are just super happy to have something that they can give out to their parishioners at the moment to break the solitude and inactivity.

We had an SMT meeting and agreed to reduce these to twice weekly as we all feel we have got a rhythm now on the go.

We then had another “virtual cuppa” whole team meeting which was really lovely to see everyone – I think there were 22 of us who dialled into it which included 3 new members of staff who are waiting to start with us.  We interviewed them for positions early March before this all hit and I can see as they introduce themselves that they are so keen to start! It was lovely though for them to start getting to know the team and what we are up to and hopefully it will make the delay in their starting slightly easier.

Update on our Bournemouth chap who I previously mentioned (ex-offender) – great news – we’ve sorted him with a bank account and his universal credit will be being paid into it.  He’s also received his food package, so another win for the Wayfinding Team.

We’ve a couple of day breaks customers who we’re really concerned about at the moment – it such an emotional time and anxiety levels are really starting to creep.  Jane and Reece still busy on the phones and spending time with our customers talking to them.  Another we are concerned about and think they might well end up placing their loved one in care – I cannot begin to imagine how hard that decision is to take and how unfair the whole situation must feel for her – bringing her loved one to Sage House a couple of times a week gave her just enough time and strength to stay resilient, to cope and to manage. 

Martha is doing some work with the Patient and Public Engagement team at the CCG regarding a couple of customers and we’ve heard some lovely stories too – one of our customers (he was really concerned about keeping his wife at home when we said day breaks was closing) has become super innovative! He’s been making skittles out of plastic bottles and all sorts and I feel sure that Martha and her team have played such a part in unlocking that part of his creativity and have shown him how these sorts of things make such a difference to his sweetheart.

We’re now identifying more resources to support people so some things around instructions on “how to walk indoors” and how people can use Google Maps for reminiscence purposes.  It’s going to be a hot weekend so we also will get something out about staying hydrated – there’s nothing my team don’t think of 😊.

Sylvie got a great volunteer update out to all of our volunteers – she is even telephoning those who do not have an email account to check in with them each week! Some of our volunteers have also put together a “Reading Friends Recommends” document to share with fellow volunteers so that they are participating in an activity altogether – a great collection of poems and Teresa has written about her cat and his approach to Covid-19 which is comical!

Lisa managed to get a great update out to our supporters this evening where she pulled together what we’ve been up to so hopefully people are feeling informed about our work at the moment and understand what we are doing even if it is very different from our business as usual.

A late finish as I had a lovely informal meeting with one of my trustees as she needed packs for her family and neighbours – so nice to see different faces in the flesh today (sorry Dianne and Luke!!).  On my way home I delivered a pack – postcode was wrong as although it was literally “on my way” I think I ended up driving ten extra miles!! Nice to see the customer though when I finally got there.  Note to self; must get Petrol.

I’ve also managed to sort some more normal things, like banking and some personal financial bits that I suddenly realised I’ve not been keeping up with! And at 8pm I went outside for the handclap which was uplifting and joyous – nice to see and join with others to celebrate the good that’s in the world – those people who are risking their worlds for us – thank you NHS and Social Care.

 

Friday 3rd April

I’ve listened to Isla and Martha who have both been very direct that I need to take the day off and I have pretty much. I weeded the front drive and I’ve sat in my garden and read and I’ve also got pretty sunburnt! A truly beautiful day and I feel refreshed, lucky and good for the break.

 

When I read this back there are some extremes and I want anyone to know who is reading this that they really do not need to be worried about me – a couple of people have said it now!  My journal is honest and you get the warts and all – I would reassure that I have a very high level of emotional intelligence which means I whole heartedly believe that I have a very strong awareness of my own feelings and how best to manage and cope with them! The journal is in fact part of that process!!

I thought long and hard before taking the decision to share my thoughts and feelings during this time and the reason I wanted to is because if it enables one person to say “actually I’m relieved someone else feels like that” then it has served it’s purpose. 

Until next week…….

Sally Tabbner

11/04/2020

Sally Tabbner’s Covid-19 Weekly Diary – 2

Dementia Support's Chief Executive Sally Tabbner

 

Reflecting on the Week………

As I put this blog together from my week’s journal it is Saturday early morning and I’ve just had a complete meltdown as my boiler decided to stop and display an “error” code.  The house is freezing cold, I’ve no hot water and I am, of course, on my own.  I’m normally such a practical level-headed person.  I know how to sort these types of things out – just take a breath Sally and look it up on you tube or google.  BUT instead, no, I lost it!  I cried and went into instant panic over a “F75” error message, whatever that is?? my head instantly leapt to; are plumbers even operating at the moment?; would they come out?; I’ve distanced for 2 weeks now and had no one in my house; how do I prioritise this – do I want anyone in my house with everything that’s going on?;  How much would that even cost in today’s situation?; All things that three weeks ago simply didn’t exist……

Suffice to say half an hour later I’ve looked up “F75”, I’ve found the solution, pressed all sorts of buttons on the boiler and run taps and thankfully my heating and hot water are working again.  But now I’m actually annoyed …..firstly with myself for not keeping calm, secondly because if that’s how I felt, in that moment, how on earth would one of my customers deal with something like that right now with everything else that they have going on in the world?  This whole Covid situation is complete mayhem, everything is upside down and strange but in amongst it all actually “normal” stuff is still happening in a world that is far from normal….I’m sad at how absolutely cut off the vulnerable people we support must feel right now.

So, here you have the last week of my journal…well the bits that I can share!

Saturday 28th March

Woke up at stupid o’clock – NEED TO CATCH UP!!! in fact it was 4.30am and I couldn’t get back to sleep.  Got up and had a coffee and decided that I may as well crack on as lots to do! I am carrying a ball of constant anxiety in my gut at the moment and I’m getting frustrated over silly inconsequential things at the moment.  A good example is that myself and the senior management team have, since mid-January, spent so much time detailing out the financial projections for the coming year and getting our budgets as accurate as possible – a hard job in any new business.  This is now all completely out of the window and I know it shouldn’t matter as it’s not important in the grand scheme of things.  The current “unprecedented” (seriously I am OVER that word) position means I have absolutely no idea how to model the budget for next year though? How can you plan for something you have no answers for in terms of what/when/how/where/who – the only thing that is clear is the why at the moment and even that can’t be understood.

I’ve plumped in the end for two financial scenarios to share with the Board and revised the budget and cash balance forecasts for them to look at.  I have removed all fundraising income and revenue from services for a three-month period plus what I think expenditure might look like based on a mothballed Sage House.  None of us have a clue really about what will happen with fundraising – money is almost meaningless in the current environment for people but sadly, in charity world it’s more critical than ever if we are to respond and support on the frontline.

I was then covering the phones for four hours, as we have opened up our help and advice lines on the weekend during this period – spoke to a few people including one of our regular special callers – feels lovely to hear his voice even if we cannot see him at the moment and I personally feel better for some human contact even if on the telephone!  I prepared the rest of the Board papers for our emergency Board of Trustee meeting on Tuesday and circulated those around and then I started on writing my blog.

Finished up around 5pm, sat on my sofa and promptly fell asleep for two hours! I am exhausted and I feel a bit emptier – the anxiety ball slightly smaller perhaps and I deduce that I have probably found a way to offload and download my emotions, by blogging – hurrah! That’s helpful!

I remembered at 10 pm that the clocks were changing “Well that’s blooming fantastic!!” I really need an hour’s less sleep at the moment, but will I guess welcome British summertime and the lighter evenings during these darker times.

 

Sunday 29th March

Little sleep again – probably my own fault for having fallen asleep during the day but I’m also worrying about the size of my email inbox and knowing people have been in contact offering support and I’ve yet to respond to them – it plays heavily on my mind – I spend enough time telling others that we need to look after our supporters so that makes me feel a bit rubbish – hopefully people will understand with everything that’s going on.

So, had to be at Sage House by 10.30am for the BBC reporter and cameraman.  Such lovely people both of them – interview had to be outside which I hadn’t necessarily considered when applying my hairspray – windy day – hair very interesting!  They wanted to interview a customer and luckily Martha who was covering Sunday phones managed to get hold of our customers Paul and Linda who agreed to a meeting via zoom to talk about the impact of our activities having to stop. Well thank god Luke had come in.  I would not have known where to start! It was odd in fact bizarre watching the reporter sitting on a rock, in the freezing cold outside of Sage House, balancing my laptop on her knee, Luke talking her through how to record on zoom as she interviewed customers whilst being filmed by a cameraman – goodness she managed to keep her composure well!

Took about 3 hours in the end to get all the information, shots and interviews together and they said it would be out that evening which was pleasing! Went home and dosed on sofa again for half an hour.  I need to watch these afternoon naps don’t become a habit, although sleep is meant to heal so maybe I shouldn’t be too concerned.

Spoke with chair of trustees and updated him on what was happening re BBC and he emailed out to the rest of the trustees to let them know to look out at 6.50pm on South Today and then we waited……WE WERE THE FIRST ITEM!!! It was helpful that only today the Guardian and general media have started to pick up on the plight of charities during this time, so actually our press release had been really timely about our anonymous donor.  Really pleased with the piece that they produced, wish it had come across stronger that we are still open and running services though.  They make the point, but I worry it might get lost….in any case it’s a great representative piece of our current position.  I’m pleased – I feel this is a positive in the gloom.

Less than 20 minutes later I am texting with Martha.  She is really worried about one of our customers…..the highs and lows at the moment are phenomenal.   The customer used all of our services at Sage House before including the day breaks service but is now in Residential Care.  Due to lockdown his wife has the absolute torment of not being able to visit and I can’t even begin to imagine how she is feeling. Added to this the home are ringing her up and telling her that he has been involved in “incidences”.  She has not seen him for two weeks and she can’t communicate with him by phone really because of his dementia, so what on earth is she supposed to do with that information??  His anxiety levels are likely through the roof – everyone’s are and he hasn’t seen her for an age – he doesn’t understand what is happening and the home ring her, to tell her about things she cannot affect in anyway – because that is their process??? It’s what they always do??  I am so cross, so annoyed…….of course what she is considering doing is driving over to the home and taking him out of it to try and look after the man she has been married to for over 50 years – a completely impossible task which is why she took such a difficult decision to place him into the home with the “professionals” in the first place.  She is lost, confused and doesn’t know where to turn – she’s getting mixed messages and she can do absolutely nothing about it. 

Martha and I discuss by text and email what can we do to help…..in the end I suggest I go to the home in the morning to speak to the home manager directly and then visit her – she only lives a mile away from me and she needs face to face emotional support as she is pretty much in crisis.  We talk about how we can manage the incident reporting process during these times and Martha rings her on a Sunday evening to tell her what is going to happen and how we are going to help – she feels better already – like the charity has her back and that she isn’t alone.  Martha has probably spent an hour and a half on the phone with her today – that’s what our charity does – what people need when they need it….

I go to bed and I am feeling sad again! Why do people not consider the impact of their actions? Why don’t they consider the emotional wake they leave behind? How did the home, that person who made the call, think any good was going to come from the phone calls that they were making to that poor lady today other than to tick their boxes and say they followed due process?

 

Monday 30th March

Awake early ……spent some time hatching plans this morning with Martha about how best we can support the person I’m going to see this morning and we agree that it is by being the conduit between the Home and them.  The beauty of what our team do is that they properly know our customers – we call ourselves a sticky service because when someone comes through our door we nominate someone to stick with them throughout their journey, warts and all.  This means when it comes to these difficult situations we don’t have to ask questions about history or incidentals – we have seen them through it all and it means we can respond appropriately and importantly very quickly, which is what people need when they hit crisis – not to be asked 5000 questions.

I head over to the nursing home, uninvited and ask to speak with someone……it’s interesting as they are sheepish, even somewhat apologetic but also, I believe, trying to do their best too.  They are in a pickle of course – residents are all struggling with the lack of visitors, people are frustrated, lonely and anxious which means that all senses are heightened, and situations easily escalate.  I feel for them as it must be so very hard and realistically, they are trying to do as much as they can in all of this too and they clearly care about their residents. 

We social distance outside of the building.  I explain, I have come to prove I am real for a start and then that I am very concerned about what I am hearing with the calls they are making given that no visits can take place – I ask them what they expect of someone who is lonely having placed their partner of 50 years into a home, who is having to isolate themselves…just what good do they think will come from them making a call saying hubby has been involved in an incident? What do they think that will do to a person emotionally and mentally??……

I explain the job for our charity is to support both carer and person living with dementia and that right now we are providing support to the carer at home. I explain that their actions at the moment are causing real distress but this can be sorted if we at Sage House handle any incident reporting relating to the person and then relay this to his wife so we can provide emotional support at the same time – they get it and they jump at the chance, even asking if we can work with some of their other resident’s carers which I explain we can. 

Doing this will mean that not only will we get all information, logged with the detail needed accurately and timely, but it will ensure some accountability for our customer and we can help her work through her emotions and download them too. 

Dropped by Sainsburys on my way through to pick up a few bits for our customer so she knows she matters, and importantly has visual reminders after I have gone, that we care and are here.  Flowers, magazines, hot cross buns, biscuits, camomile tea, some scented candles, a journal (it’s helping me at the moment so worth a try!) and a daily scheduler – all we are hearing about at the moment is keeping structure in your day from central Government and the “experts”…..Yes well you try that when you are grieving the loss of your loved one to a nursing home after a 50 year marriage or are full time caring for someone living with dementia who doesn’t understand why they can’t go out when that’s all they want to do… okay, we can but try….calm down Sally you are getting in a rant now…….

So, customer is pleased to see me bless her.  We both look at each other and know that we both need a hug, but we don’t – we just hold out our arms and pretend we are instead.  She makes me tea and we chat, she cries, at various points and I listen and all I can offer is words.  I support her by offering the knowledge that I have and more than anything I reassure her that she is doing so very good. That she’s doing the absolute best for her husband and that he is okay…she has to stay strong and try and keep in mind that this will pass.  She says she feels better knowing we are helping her, supporting her – she feels stronger because the charity are here.

I go home and I feel low – lots of things I recognise from our customers current experience that I can relate to from personal experience with my lovely grandad, which I then feel guilty about as actually at least I could go to see him, this isn’t the same at all.  Keep reminding myself of professional boundaries and trying to distance emotions – harder at the moment.  I have a long chat with SMT via Teams and I offload to them….thank god for them and the support they are giving me at the moment. 

The team have been really hard at it too…..Jane and Reece both busy today covering phone calls out to all of our Day Breaks customers – some they sit and chat to for half an hour or so, just so that the carer can get a bit of downtime whilst their loved one is occupied with the team on the telephone.

Jacquie and Aimee are also super busy with maintaining the call lists to other customers as well as taking calls from people previously unknown to us.  It’s interesting that we seem to have had a few calls now from people living abroad worried about local family members and seeing if we can support.  They’ve clearly found us online and we’ve been able to sign people up to the free befriending service and sort some more practical things like food deliveries.  Andy our office manager has even been out picking up shopping for people now and delivering it personally as there is no help available near where he is – poor chap has only been with us for three weeks and I know that shopping was not in the job description I signed off for him when he started in post!  According to the customer he is “an absolute superstar!!”

Had some lovely emails today, some from supporters saying they have seen us on the news and wishing us well – it’s such a nice feeling knowing people are thinking about the charity.  I’m a bit sad as I’ve received some internal feedback, not criticism, saying it doesn’t show our response to the crisis…in honesty I’d normally brush this aside but I’m overly sensitive at the moment and when you are working so hard and running a bit on empty these small things hit. 

Some team members have been checking in today and updating on how busy they are keeping – everyone is coming up with ideas about what can be done, how they can contribute and encouraging one another – we need to make sure all of the team keep connected at this time – in some ways it feels like this could actually bring people together as we are all sharing probably more so than ever as our individual worlds become smaller and more contained away from the outside world.  I miss them all!

Isla is busy coordinating the responses and volunteer resources available for befriending – that might become a job in itself as the service and the volunteer base grows – it’s one to keep an eye on and remember if anyone starts mentioning furloughing which I’m recommending to board we don’t do currently.  She’s also sorted the call log and briefing paper for volunteers, so they have some good solid guidance.

Befriending leaflet and extended Wayfinder service leaflets have been sent to print, 1000 of them to start with, need to think about best form of distribution for those – how to get them out to those who will need us most.

Sudden thought about the activity packs – we need to send coloured pencils with them for the mindful colouring some people won’t have any – I’ve ordered 150 packs – we are doing 300 packs so can split them out if necessary.

Giant Easter Egg raffle which was really popular last year is now sorted online – good work by the fundraising team to find a different way to still do it.  Links going up on social to get people interested in buying a virtual ticket [at this point we have raised an amazing £145!!].

George the Sage House cartoon cat has been created now – will hopefully provide some light relief for both the team coming up with scenarios that George will get up to alone in Sage House over the next few weeks as well as those who follow him on Social Media – must remind Luke we need to have a hashtag for him so people can follow him easier….

I’ve agreed that we will stay open over the bank holiday and operate our normal hours – the team want to do it which just about sums them up – how lucky am I? People willing to give their time because they know how important this all is at the moment.

In the evening I find myself somewhat frustrated, we are three weeks in and I’ve still had no direction from statutory services although I’ve just had some email correspondence from those who I know in my previous life to say that CDC and Arun District are now “starting to develop their support/response teams”. I know that local authorities aren’t known for their agility which is why I left after 24 years of working in one, but given they are the ones who permanently talk about the importance of business continuity plans etc the turnaround on this is shocking.  I feel bad for saying it as I know how helpless the officers themselves will be feeling, but more needs to happen faster and they should be leading so that people don’t start falling over themselves and duplicating response plans – note to self we fill gaps Sally….watch what others are doing – do not duplicate….

Early night I’m SOOOOOO tired!

 

Tuesday 31st March

OMG I slept so well! Proper proper good – 10 hours and I feel magic for it!! I literally feel like a Duracell bunny this morning and the day starts with an email from Martha as the Cathedral have been in touch and are running a youth programme to produce postcards which they’d like us to send out weekly to our vulnerable customers! Fantastic idea and of course we agree – lovely way to ensure that people know they haven’t been forgotten about!

First befriending contact today – a lady living alone following a recent diagnosis of dementia – no family living close by and of course now isolating….instantly we know we need to offer more than befriending. She needs more support than a daily/weekly phone call to talk about the world or her knitting, so she also gets referred on to the Wayfinders to sort out lots of things like benefits, how to stay safe in the current environment and practical support like getting her shopping in for her.  I wonder if this will be how these referrals start? We know in wayfinding that you scratch the surface with a question and a whole raft of other issues come out, so we need to ensure that any volunteers know the signs to look out for and send to the Wayfinders for more intense support.

We had a lovely article in the Chichester Chamber of Commerce e-newsletter following the event that Dianne hosted at Sage only 3 weeks ago to the day – how on earth is that possible? It feels like a million years ago…..it feels blurry and hazy.  I don’t want to keep using the word surreal but I can’t think of another to better describe.

George the cat is launched! and his first piece is around when he was gifted to Sage by George Ide solicitors – the cartoonist has done a fab job of redrawing the photo.

We are starting to populate the list of customers to receive one of the 300 activity packs when then arrive – Andy’s on it – he loves a spreadsheet! 

We called an extraordinary Board of Trustee Meeting via conference call today.  Sorry trustees if you read this but I wasn’t relishing the idea, largely as I have a constant feeling of unpreparedness these days.  I am used to going into Board meetings with answers and solutions.  My job is to help define the charity strategy with them, get it agreed and then translate it into actions but there’s absolutely no strategy for this.  I don’t give them enough credit because actually and bless them, they do the best thing that they can for me right now.  They essentially say, “do what needs to be done, we are a people organisation, and this is a crisis involving people”.  They say they trust me and our brilliant team to respond and importantly they tell me that they are here to support me….I am relieved and more than anything I feel a little more in control knowing that we’ve got it right so far since this started.

Opened the post and we’ve received a cheque for £1k from a trust that we applied to which cheers me further and instils confidence that we can weather this – we need to for our customers and our most vulnerable in the community.

I send out my first blog to the team, in the hope it provides some insight as to how everything in the organisation is “hanging together” at the moment as well as the trustees and I’ve had some amazing feedback. If nothing more its showing the enormity of how we are responding to our customers and the current situation and someone even said they feel a little less alone knowing how I was feeling – I can’t ask for more than that to inspire me to carry on sharing it, even if it makes me look a little more vulnerable myself in my CEO role….none of that really matters right now.

So, I ask Dianne to help with formulating a list of the parish councils so that we can write to them asking if they’d be interested in an activity pack for their lonely, isolated older parishioners.  I’ve increased the order to 300 but my customer list of those wanting backs is only about 100 so I want to make sure nothing goes to waste….As usual she’s turned it around super-fast and has written out to 10 of them by the close of the day to test the water.  We agree to target our most local ones to begin with as we will use it as an avenue to push out the befriending leaflets – making sure we target those who will benefit most from the service.  Will be interesting to see if we get any feedback at all during these weird times.

Following the postponement of the “Evening with Graeme Souness” fundraising event which should have happened last weekend, we’ve had to take the decision to cancel – who knows when we might be able to reschedule – so many fundraising events are now cancelled for the same reason.  It’s not simply a case of just cancelling either – there’s hours of work for the poor team in refunding individuals their ticket money and coupled with the fact that a lot of their plans and work have been completely lost now.  They are really busy finding other ways in which to bring in the money as different platforms and software solutions are popping up – trying to keep up with them is madness and trying to get a general sense of how fundraising for charities will play out in the next few months anywhere.  As ever the team are onto it though and I know that there will be plans afoot before the week is out.

There is still the three of us going to Sage each day – we actually need it for the broadband and tech, as much as anything given the amount of films we are splicing (new word for me – probably used incorrectly!!) and social media and website content we are pushing out, to help make this time a little more bearable for customers to help fill their time and remind them that we are still here for them and this will pass.

I am worrying about the team feeling disparate – it’s not about the work or a control thing as I know they are all working harder than ever in these circumstances, but I’m worried as I want everyone to be okay and to know that they are contributing to everything that is happening.  They are still making a difference but in a different way to before and I want them to appreciate that what we are ALL doing now is going to make us stronger as a team and charity at the end of this nightmare.

I feel tired, and its really hard living alone at this time.  Working frontline when its part of your DNA is great in terms of personal reward – knowing you’ve made a difference, you’ve helped.  The solitude however of home life, when the world feels very sad, means you want to be held and have a cuddle (n.b. I wrote in my journal not to include that bit but it feels relevant right now – will probably regret it..). I can only reflect that if I’m lonely even though I’m seeing people during the day, how on earth are older people who live alone feeling at this moment?  I go to bed this playing on my mind.

 

Wednesday 1st April

Not a great night’s sleep but I don’t really know what I expect these days!  The days are merging into one another and its hard to determine what day it is – I check in with others who tell me that they too are feeling the same so I’m not going to worry about it!

However, what I am worried about is that everything feels like it is starting to normalise a little – routine is starting to surface – regular daily online meetings with SMT where we are focussed and churn ideas and update each other on where we are all at.  I don’t want this time to ever feel normal….this time will pass and whilst I appreciate nothing will be the same again I do not want this sad time to be the marker of future life but I fear that it will.

I had a “virtual” meeting with the CEO of Carers Support West Sussex – we talked through our concerns for how together we can support carers in the future who will have some very different needs to what we have ever dealt with before.  We both identified some scenarios that are troubling us as this all continues….we discussed the emotional support that will be needed especially relating to those who pass in care homes (not necessarily to Covid) during this time where loved ones haven’t been able to be present or visit over recent weeks and in honesty I feel a little defeated.  I know that there is nothing that can be done to ever make it right but also, I know we, as the “professionals” need to find a way to respond and help those who will be so very vulnerable.  We agree to pull together a small task and finish group in two weeks and work together going forwards to make sure we can support the people who will be affected by this disgusting atrocity  – god only knows how we will at the moment but we will find a way.

I reached out to some other local charities today to let them know we are here if they get overwhelmed in what they are doing – some instant responses. 

We have signed off the final version of the activity packs for print run tomorrow – they have completely spiralled from a few pages to over 100 pages of things that will hopefully provide some rays of sunshine to our customers and carers – also some useful tips on how to keep busy.

Langmeads Farm contacted us today – they want to offer even more support and are running a sweepstake where the proceeds will come to us – they’ve based it around guess the date that they will re-open!

Befriending service processes from end to end now sorted – well done team!! I just need to define the qualitative assessment and measures, so we can measure the impact we have ……but that’s easy enough sorted and my bread and butter after all.

Isla “attended” the webinar I was invited to today all about Cybercrime – my goodness it’s hard to believe that even in these times people are using it as an opportunity to scam and take advantage as more people are working from home and the online traffic has increased so much.  Another policy and piece of work which we need to do to safeguard the charity and our systems which we could really do without!

We all pretty much finished earlier today – we agreed we need time to do normal things! I was home by 4 o’clock still answering emails and calls etc but at least I managed to do a load of washing, hang it up and dust my house – that definitely made me feel better!  One reflection with regard to emails – those sent prior to lockdown can pretty much all be deleted from my inbox – there is little within them of any consequence in what the world has now become – it’s like the whole world has completely reset which I really do not know how to feel about.

Tonight, following a telephone call, I’m worried again about a few of our customers, especially those with Alzheimer’s who like to go walkabout (we don’t use the phrase wandering – there is purpose when people head out).  Those with carer’s are struggling to keep them inside and tensions are rising and we’ve some who live alone who we are ringing frequently during the day to talk to them and ‘remind’ them they need to stay inside.  The fact that we are in lockdown is incomprehensible to these lovely people and the whole situation is made so much worse by the continual news reporting and as carers stress increases during these times.  To be honest, even the action we are taking to help ensure their physical safety by asking them to stay in is actually causing stress and fearfulness.  This then leads to the brain naturally wanting to take flight and then the whole cycle repeats.  The boredom will increase over the weeks which will only seek to make the need to walk and get out even stronger – what can we do? Perhaps I can see if I can find some greenspace that we can use for our customers, but how can we do that safely?  I will park it for this evening – another one for the SMT list of things to consider.

 

Thursday 2nd April

Slept again!! This is helping.  I am also getting daily exercise as the team and I socially distance and trundle around Tangmere airfield – seemingly we look rather humorous and one woman even asked if she could take a photo so I did too!

Opened the post to another anonymous CAF cheque for £250….wow! I’m bowled over – thank you whoever you are.

Lots of discussions today with Health about how the charity can support them over the coming weeks.  It includes the use of Sage House and I can’t go into detail on the blog at this stage but it’s potentially something very tangible that we can do which directly will impact the local community in a positive way during this whole nightmare.  It’s probably taken up about 30-40% of my day in discussions with SMT about how it can work in practice, the logistics and then on the phone to different health teams.  I also Whatsapp the services committee – another new bit of technology in use to communicate with trustees.  Sorry I can’t give you more on this at the moment, but I promise to update people as soon as I can.

The other big news from today is the incredible response that Dianne has had from the Parish Councils over the activity packs…..between them (so far) they want over 700! WHAT?  So, I’ve had to go crawling to my sis who was generously providing them including the artwork.  We’ve gone from me pushing my luck with a short 20 page activity pack for 50 customers which increased to 300 copies at the beginning of the week to now, wait for it, 1000 packs that are 115 pages long plus 300 other smaller activity books which are slightly more complex….and a whole bunch of leaflets and inserts for colouring pencils into the bargain…..

Some more “normal” type activities for me today too – I don’t like using that word at the moment but essentially it is true.  I’m sorting agendas for committee meetings, talking to my chairman lots about structures and fundraising and things that generally form a place in my “normal” everyday work…feels like everyone is almost getting into a groove across the organisation to a degree and I feel a little more in control as the days go on.  I can only wish that the same could be said for our customers which of course it can’t so then I feel guilty and cross all over again.

Covid = Complete helter-skelter of mixed emotions none of which are positive…My personal mindset however is strong – we can help and we will. This will pass.

 

Friday 3rd April

Packs have arrived!!! They are fantastic and I’m so, so pleased.  Luke has made a great video of them getting made up which will go out on Social Media next week.  He’s seriously generated so much content in the last week it’s pretty remarkable – posts galore reminding people that DS is here to help and support throughout.

Services committee this morning – the first committee by zoom went ok – nice to see all the faces rather than just on the telephone and interesting watching people use video conferencing for the first time – not sure all will take to it and I keep forgetting to turn on my microphone which means repeating myself time and time again! Another skill to master!

Dianne’s brother Robbie decided he was going to shave off his beard and get sponsored to do it for us – it is a serious beard and I think he’s hoping by the end of lockdown it will have regrown.  People clearly didn’t like the beard or they really like Robbie as he set out to raise £100 but so far he’s up to £901!! He facebook lived himself shaving it off – how amazing are some people??

We ordered pizza into the office for lunch and then we had another Friday Musical Matinee with Matt and Martha.  I haven’t laughed so much for such a long time.  The team dialled in as backing vocalists – it’s so lovely seeing people’s faces……Reece and I did a fantastic routine to an Elvis number over Microsoft Teams and Isla had to get up as she was laughing so much.  We had seven people dial in on zoom and we facebook live’d the whole thing – it’s had 345 views as I write this with so many comments and likes throughout.

It was an okay day today – at times I laughed and hard.  A great way to end the week. I feel my mood shifting somewhat – my journal is more positive as the days go on…..is that okay is the only question I ask?

 

 

Sally Tabbner

07/04/2020

Sally Tabbner’s Covid-19 Weekly Diary – 1

Dementia Support's Chief Executive Sally Tabbner

Reflecting on the Week………

The tiredness and mental exhaustion during this time is phenomenal.  My mind, like most others I am sure, has moved quickly from one scenario to another, from worrying about one person to another, so quickly that it’s really not getting time to debrief fully and download emotions – given what I do, I know this is not good so that’s my goal for next week to output my feelings!  Everything feels just a bit foggy and surreal currently and my short-term memory is even more shocking than normal!

Everyone is pretty much working from home now, since we sent them on Tuesday, that is apart from a core of three of us who are dealing with the reactive side of the business with communications, messaging and “urgent need” responses.  The whole team, although spread out across the County are really holding it together though and running the ongoing business and importantly looking after our customers “virtually”.  We’ve some who are self-isolating due to personal situations, but everyone is busy doing something which contributes to the current debacle of life or the long-term future of our charity for when this whole mess is over.

How can it even be true that on 10th March I was walking around saying to everyone we are business as usual? That’s only 2 ½ weeks ago?

It’s only been a week since shutting down our much-loved Day Breaks service, but it feels like so much longer.  It’s been a blur of little and interrupted sleep, early morning starts, communicating as much as possible with the people who matter – our customers and their families, and desperately trying to do what we can to ensure that our amazing staff team are as well and supported as they can be in these worrying times.   

It feels like I am running around and reacting, working off the hoof most of the time, which is hard for someone like me who is generally proactive and strategic in their approach.  I am trying to keep positive and to ensure we are sending messages of love and friendship to our supporters, to help as much as we can at this time and more than anything to demonstrate our can do attitude and to reinforce that this will pass

The team are doing amazingly – so creative with ideas about how we can support our customers during this time and the technology we invested in is holding up – in fact, I’d go as far as to say, its brilliant – so well done Chalkwood IT for that!

My week has been consumed by working at lightning speed with the management team to come up with new services and ways in which we can support our customers as best we can during this difficult time.  Together everyone in the charity has managed to pull some truly remarkable things out of the bag which will really make a difference to people living with dementia locally – which is afterall what we are all about.   

So, I have opened up my journal a little to you – it captures my week as it happened! Warts and all! (Some stuff removed to protect the CEO though!!)

 

Friday 20th March 2020

We took the decision to close day breaks in order to do the most caring and responsible thing for our customers physical health – this hurt more than anything I have ever done professionally.  It ended for our customers on a high with a great show by Dawn Gracie [incidentally this is still being watched and has had over 7,500 views on our facebook page as at today].

Today we laughed, we sang and danced, and we waved goodbye to our lovely customers and their carers – it’s fair to say all of us at the charity feel completely defeated and a bit empty now.  I sobbed in my office this afternoon, worried about how our poor carers were going to cope, knowing that we  have been their lifeline – the only thing that enables them to get out or do “normal” things like cleaning and shopping. Some are without families – what will they do?

I think I saw a tear in every staff member’s eye today, some fell apart knowing how tough the coming weeks will be for some of the most precious and vulnerable people that we know and actually really like. 

The feeling of guilt is quite immense – being the ultimate decision maker means feeling responsible for cutting off a service that has become another’s lifeline even though you have qualified the reason for your decision with yourself it hurts…..badly.  I know it isn’t my fault though.

I’m gutted……I have no words.

 

Monday 23rd March 2020

We are all a bit stunned still and today kicked off with us, having generated call lists of all of our vulnerable customers and determining who needed what, frequency of call, getting into flow – processes and data capture being developed as we went and with such a great team effort to ensure that customers were prioritised and felt loved. 

Everyone is really doing their bit…and more.

I have never witnessed new systems being developed so quickly and effectively and I feel really proud of my team.

 

Tuesday 24th March 2020

The guidance from central Government shifted again today to one of everyone should self-isolate if at all possible, so we told the team to go home. Luckily, we’d already worked up what each team members priorities would be if they had to homework.  We discussed the work plans, made sure the tech was working and that importantly the phones could still be answered to support our customers. 

The team also made up amazing personalised packs and boxes and delivered them out to our customers to help to relieve some of the stress and boredom that we know isolation will bring including talking books with their voices recorded on them.

 

We also started to get together a resource pack idea – a printed book that we can send out to customers – all the team set to it and added content on things around exercising, wordsearches, singing, mindful colouring, and reminiscence exercises – just simple things that people can do at home to make life a little more bearable. Shelley is going to design artwork and print it bless her.

We contacted all volunteers to see how they are and to report on what we are up to – they are part of our Sage House family and we need to keep them in our thoughts.

An electronic donor update went out today too with how we are responding to the current situation.

Worse part today for me – witnessed Sage House being officially mothballed – closed down, empty. Cried again! It’s actually making me feel sick – I worked so hard to get it right. It was right, it was doing good and helping people which is all I wanted to do and now that’s gone…..my head is saying it will come back but my heart hurts.

 

Wednesday 25th March 2020

Today saw a swathe of energy bubble in the team and creativity start to flow as to how can we deliver even more for all of our local vulnerable people who now have no choice but to isolate – not just the boredom but trying to cope with some challenging behaviours in the most heinous of times.  We’ve always been about improving the quality of life for people living with dementia and the team are well versed in how to do that normally but, not being hands on now, means we are trying to think differently at a time when people need us more than ever …..

Today we decided to extend the times for telephone calls/wayfinding service.  This means we are now open to calls from 7am (for our early birds!!) and staying open until 7pm. We are also now operating the phones Sat & Sun 10am-2pm.

We also worked up and prepared all of the processes to launch a new telephone befriending service on Monday 30th. We are already receiving telephone calls from people who are simply lonely – heart breaking considering how long this will go on for – I really don’t want people to get used to the concept of being alone…. 

We are in the midst of contacting our volunteers to see if they will help with the befriending service and we need to carefully match demand to resource so we are going to gently launch the service over the coming week starting with leaflets and posters in our local community Boxgrove and Tangmere.  The Parish councils are involved and will get the message out to their single households.  Great moment today was chatting to Martha through her window when dropping off leaflets…..I’m missing people and my team.

We also set up a “Zoom” account which enables people to conference essentially and hope to launch it next week as a virtual chatter table – we are just working out which volunteers might be able to help facilitate the discussions.

We received a lovely cheque for £4k today – a trust application that really we had little confidence around which helped my mood a little!

Today we also compiled a list of everyone delivering food etc across our patch which will be in the resource pack but tonight when I’ve talked to them Adult Social care are reporting lack of shopping services in Chichester and Petworth for vulnerable people as families isolating as they have “at risk” members within but meaning they cant help vulnerable parents…..

I need to park that for tonight and have it as tomorrows discussion with SMT and let my head rest a bit…..need to target our resources in the best possible way – keep vulnerable people as our focus – it’s what we do, it’s what drives me…..

 

Thursday 26th March 2020

Today it’s really started to bite.

We received our first crisis call from Rapid Access Team in Social Care.  There is now only one criteria at the moment for hospital discharge as of yesterday morning where new guidance came out from DoH.  The simple question asked is “is it safe for person to go home” not the myriad of criteria and assessments for this service or that…..I’m so upset as I think if you ask that of most older people, their pride will pretty much always say yes, especially in the current environment…….how can this work?

Our case related to “G” who was discharged from hospital to his flat in central Bognor……83-year-old man who’d had a stroke, has cancer of the brain and struggles to communicate.  His first care call this afternoon revealed he has no kettle, toaster, fridge, white goods, towels, toiletries, money or food or drinks – literally all he had was half a loaf of bread and a banana as well as his bed with some bedding on it – seriously how can this be in today’s world??? 

Stonepillow is closed who’d normally get involved in this type of thing……..but together the team organised a fridge, toaster, kettle, microwave, towels, some food items from Sage, toiletries to be going along with (even toilet rolls!!), puzzles, colouring books & pencils, jigsaws and lots of other bits and pieces.  Social Care team collected them half an hour later from the request coming in and delivered them directly to him.  We also arranged for him to have a daily hot meal delivered to him free of charge for the next week and a grocery shop to be delivered again free. The adrenalin was pretty intense at the time and it took ages to calm – I must remember to buy a new kettle for the staff room….

 

We also received a call from an ex offender we began supporting last year by telephone, visiting Sage and engaging with the prison welfare team – he’s been released and living out of the county now – he got a job as soon as he was released but this job has now ceased, he was selling the Big Issue and loving it..bless him.  He called this morning, living alone, anxious, never plugged into benefits or Social Services or networks where he lives, because he started working as soon as he got home.  Wayfinders are flipping amazing – they have spoken with probation service (in Bournemouth) who were so pleased to get the call because they cannot help this chap but aware he is vulnerable.  When asked if we would be stepping on toes or repeating what is being done his end all they could say was “you won’t be and yes please if you could help “J” because we cannot”.  Wayfinders have spoken with DWP about getting a claim sorted for Attendance Allowance or Universal Credit and with Bournemouth Social Services.  The chap of course doesn’t have wifi and the library is closed and he has literacy challenges plus he has never used any online service before – I’m frustrated who would help him if we didn’t?  We have spoken to a local church near to him and asked what he needs to bring to access the food bank – a benefits letter which he doesn’t have as he was working!!!!!! HOWEVER the man at the Church has said he will arrange to get him a food parcel together.   This is 2020…it isn’t right??

In terms of the more strategic bits, all of the processes relating to the Telephone Befriending service got worked up today and the leaflets finalised.

We released a press release regarding the anonymous £10k and my open letter last week [incidentally as at now it’s had 3,063 views on Linked in and 3,934 views on Facebook – it was actually trending on Linked in under #thankyou – who’d have thought I could do that – not me and still not sure how, LOL!]

We drew some rainbows as Tangmere is putting them in windows so people taking their daily exercise can look out for them and we put it on Social Media.  Our second Sage Communities Weekly newsletter was also put together this PM – Luke did it in the end – I kept putting it off!

Finally, in-keeping with our previous Precious Moments campaign we launched the Precious Moments Jar of Joy on Social Media which seems to have been shared a lot and well received! I saw something similar on Social Media at about 4 in the morning and thought it was a good fit!

I’m home tonight late and just as people are clapping – not for me, but for those amazing staff in the NHS who I cannot even imagine the horrors of which they are facing on a daily basis and I clapped to for them too and then I selfishly decided that I would also clap for my team and me actually – we deserve it – we are frontline and we are helping and contributing right now.

 

Friday 27th March 2020

As the week progresses, I can feel myself getting more bullet pointy! I am not sure if its tiredness or what it is…

We started the day on social by acknowledging the 8pm NHS hand clap last night and then in the afternoon we were contacted by the BBC who have picked up on my open letter last week re the £10k….they are coming to film on Sunday at Sage with me.  I spent quite a long time talking to Bob Everett on the phone – very odd talking to a voice you know very well but not personally!

We did a live link to Matt’s Musical Matinees in the afternoon with Martha – a lot of fun – they are hilarious together. We facebook lived it and two people joined via zoom too and a lot of the team were on Microsoft Teams in the background throughout…..so great to see them altogether albeit on a TV screen – I miss them!

964 people reached as I write this! And 757 people have viewed the performance so far and we know many were nursing homes so covering more than one person!  We’ve also filmed extra content for the coming weeks.

The graphic design of the resource packs is in full flow. We will sign these off on Monday eve so we can get out delivering Wednesday next week – I’m looking forward to this. My sis has worked so hard on them with us and I really think that they are going to make a difference to people.

One of our Day Breaks carers contacted us desperate for support with their shopping as unable to get out and no family to support – luckily Andy lives pretty close by and has arranged an online order for them which he is collecting and delivering it to them – the gratitude from the customer is immense….he wouldn’t have been able to sort this without us as no family and doesn’t want to keep asking his neighbours.

Isla is sending emails out to our volunteers this weekend asking them to confirm when they might be available to talk to people on the phone for befriending – I’m pretty sure a lot will step forward – already have three trustees signed up!

The charity is also getting lots of new volunteers step forward – don’t get carried away Sally……at times like this we have to be careful not to forgo the processes – we need to keep in mind that we are working with vulnerable people who are targets for some so again Isla is checking out all of the detail about turnaround times etc….she’s such a stickler for things like that thank god!

Today we also received our first referral from WSCC re the telephone befriending service – an older gent who has been discharged from hospital and lives alone.  I know as the weeks go on that these phone calls will start to identify further needs that these individuals have and will be the catalyst for further service design as discussions ensue…I hope we can cope and manage…..need to try and keep ahead of the requests.  

With that in mind its important I keep well and focussed AND SLEEP!!!!  I also need to make sure the team download and take time out for them and their families – how can I make sure that happens remotely? Also the burn out thing – we talked about it in our daily SMT today…..how can we make sure all of the team look after ourselves.

The team are still maintaining our daily call lists, but I suspect that time on calls is starting to increase as loneliness sets in – luckily the team have been busy building more systems to ensure they can capture this info.

Next week will see us launching George the Cat’s Sage House Adventures (he’s one of the robotic cats that was sponsored by George Ide solicitors) – it’s a way of bringing one of our donors to the fore at this time, but also something for our customers to follow – we have Daleen onboard, our resident cartoonist, and she is going to draw for us for the foreseeable future – it will provide us with a different approach and keep some of our messaging a bit light hearted.

The fundraising team haven’t stopped either – identifying new platforms and approaches so that we can still raise monies in different ways – even the Giant Easter Eggs will be virtual!

At 11am today we published the story about “G” who we helped sort white goods and other things for yesterday.  [At the time of writing on facebook alone we have had 2147 views, 137 likes and 23 shares]. I have no words for the difference we seem to have made to him according to Social Services feedback – apparently just the pack of digestives we sent alone had a massive impact on his wellbeing… the thankfulness of the Social Work Team too was so positive.

It’s hard to come home to an empty house – the eery silence after another day of hubbub and rushing.  As a single person I am realising that I have not been within 2 metres of anyone in the last fortnight which is just odd! But it helps to capture the day and see what a difference you are helping to have in these very strange times, even if you can’t touch or go near anyone!

Let’s see what next week brings……….

 

Sally Tabbner

28/03/2020

Go with the Flow

talking to someone with Dementia

Communicating with people living with Dementia

We can often take communication for granted, but, this is one of the key areas of difficulty that develops in people living with dementia. In some cases they are not able to express their physical and emotional needs.

Speaking to Aimee Parr, one of our Wayfinders, there are some very easy steps to take to help your cared for or loved one living with dementia:

  1. Body language is very important – face them
  2. Be interested in what they are saying and be patient
  3. Respect their views, make them feel that they are heard

A few examples were mentioned. A lady living in a care home, asked the carer when her children will come and collect her. Instead of telling her that her kids are not coming, and she is in a Care Home, you might just go with the flow and tell her that her children will be coming later and that she is safe with people who love her just where she is.

Another example is one of our elderly gentlemen visiting Sage House believes he is coming to work, and he is the CEO of the company. Instead of telling him, that he is in the Daybreak programme for people living with Dementia, all staff just go with the flow and make him feel valued. Talking to the gentleman about his role may increase his confidence and allow him to feel comfortable and positive while he is in Daybreaks.

Finally

At times we can feel guilty for being dishonest, but for someone living with dementia the storyline or time they find themselves in, is their reality. Telling them, “you have told me that already” or “your Mum passed away a long time ago” can be extremely upsetting and stressful, and, can discourage them from talking altogether. The person with dementia may be wanting the feelings that person once gave them, like protection, safety or love. Asking more about the person they are talking about and what they were like will validate their feelings and hopefully bring back happier times for the person with dementia.

The bottom line is, go with the flow, and you might even find out some interesting facts about your person living with Dementia

Do you have any questions?

If you have any more questions, please contact Sage House, our hub for Dementia Support at info@dementia-support.org.uk and a friendly Wayfinder can give you more advice and reassurance. If you are still unsure, pop in for a tea and cake at our Daisy’s Café, there are always informed staff around.

Citizens Advice and Dementia Support Collaboration

Citizens Advice and Dementia Support Collaboration

Arun & Chichester Citizens Advice are to start delivering a weekly advice service at Sage House, Tangmere, to support people living with Dementia and their carers.

The new service starts on Monday 27th January and will offer booked appointments to help with a range of topics, including blue badges and disability benefit forms and appeals.

Luca Badioli, CEO of Arun & Chichester Citizens Advice says, “we are delighted to be working in partnership with Dementia Support, to deliver advice in an environment where people living with Dementia and their carers, are comfortable. Sage House offers fantastic facilities to the community and by being at the centre, we can support clients who may otherwise not reach us.”

Sally Tabbner CEO of Dementia Support says, “we are excited to work with Arun & Chichester Citizens Advice it’s a great opportunity to be able to support people living with Dementia and their carers with the Knowledge that Citizens Advice brings. Being in partnership with local organisations has always been a core part of our strategy, so we are excited to help this brilliant initiative continue to support people that may otherwise not be able to access services.” 

So, if you or someone you know is living with Dementia and you would like more information or to book an appointment, please call 01243 888691.